For the past couple of weeks I have been ravenously scouring the pages of pinterest, pinspire and google images. It started a little before Christmas, I was feeling discouraged and frankly depressed about the fact that we had no Christmas tree or decorations again this year. I felt a longing for beauty, for tradition. I felt empty.
Yes I know, Christmas is NOT about the tree, decorations, or gifts, it's about Jesus' birthday. I know it, plenty of people have reminded me of this fact the past couple of years as they chastised me for struggling with the lack of these things. This year after trying to talk to a friend or two I realized it was pointless so I didn't talk to anyone about it. Did NOT feel like being chastised again for my lack of focus on the "important". And here's what I realized. Who said I was not focusing on the true meaning of Christmas? Who says I can't have both? I noticed that all the "friends" who kept telling me that those things weren't important, weren't skipping them in their homes. None of them refused to put up a tree and decorations because, "that's not what's really important". None of them bypassed buying gifts for their family because, "that's not what's really important". I noticed none of them forwent their traditional Christmas dinner because, "that's not what's really important". So, as I fell further into depression over the lack of "those things that aren't important" I realized that I have been missing things that are beautiful to me.
So, I turned to Google Images and began to look up tea pots, tea cups, victorian images, Christmas images. I began to feel a little less empty. Then I remembered a friend talking about Pinterest so I decided to check it out. Aha! I had hit the motherlode!! Hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of beautiful things! Inspiring Quotes! Interesting New Recipes! I am starting to feel alive again!
Reflecting I'm realizing that in the past months, I have lost everything that makes me, well me. I have not had any of my belongings around me. I have not been able to craft, to decorate, to do much cooking, not been able to entertain, to host tea parties, karaoke parties, Christmas parties. Not been able to serve others. Celebrate special occasions. I not only lost the use of my body in that accident, I lost me. So, now I am on a mission to change that! Since I am still limited in my physical abilities, I am enjoying perusing the beauty that is Pinterest. But, I am also working on doing what I can do. Gathered a few craft supplies to work on. Dreaming up some decorating ideas. Cooking a little more. Slowly coming back to life after months of a kind of suspended animation. Hello world, I'm on my way back!
Be Blessed!
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