Learning To Live With Intent Towards Myself (aka: learning to love myself)

I plan to own my own life in 2015 and beyond, by learning to live with intent towards myself. Years ago I began to learn to live with intent towards others. Intentionally loving others, intentionally serving others, intentionally caring for others. But along the way I began to believe the lie that to live with intent towards others was enough. It was not. In the process, I forgot to love me, care for me, enjoy me. I neglected myself. I'm not talking about self-centered living. I'm talking about basic self care. Making sure I ate and ate healthy. Making sure I got enough sleep, exercise, took my medication, etc.... 

I have even come to realize that I have neglected myself by neglecting time with God. I felt guilty about ignoring Him, I didn't want to ignore Him, I love Him. But somehow it felt like self indulgance to take time for study and prayer that were not part of parenting. So in reality, neglecting Him, was also another way of neglecting myself. I denied myself the gift of spending time with my Heavenly Father. Of the peace, joy, strength, grace, patience, faith, that comes with having spent time in His presence.

I know I'm not alone. It's often a mom thing. We must learn to live with balance. My life has been out of balance and as I get older the effects of self neglect become more pronounced. So, I realize that I must begin to live with intent towards myself, the same way I live with intent towards those I love and care about.

Part of this journey towards living with intention towards myself is my journey to take control of my health as I wrote about recently. It's also actively pursuing God's call on my life, making time for me without guilt, resting when my body says rest, without guilt or condmnation, accepting my limitations, embracing my gifts, loving what is lovable about me and having grace as I change what isn't so lovable. Learn to be more objective about what isn't lovable.

It's not enough to do good things for myself because they are good for my family, I must also do them because they are important and good for me.

Blessings,
Colleen

The Importance of Saying No

In dealing with some life issues a lot of talk has been had recently between my friends and myself about people feeling taken advantage of. People getting upset when asked for a favor. Here's the real problem many of us have. The inability to say no.

When we try to people please, and let's face it, most of us women do, we end up feeling resentful of the people we are trying to please. But the fact is, it isn't their fault. It's actually our fault for not saying no.

If someone asks something of me I have to evaluate whether or not I can accomodate that request and then make a decision to say yes or no. But many times we just say yes automatically without counting the cost of that yes. Do we have the time, energy or resources to give what we've said we will? If we say yes, and then find that it's a burden to us, we often get upset with the person who asked us. However, the problem doesn't lie with them. The problem isn't the question, it's the answer. How can we be angry at them for simply asking for something they needed? That's why we end up feeling guilty, because we are now angry at them, but deep down we know we shouldn't be. So, now we're feeling angry and guilty. 

And then comes the second problem, we don't just fess up and tell the person that we are sorry but we can't do what we promised. We want to deliver, we want to be a person of our word, so we sacrifice what we shouldn't to accomodate a promise that should never have been made in the first place. Again, leading us to resent the person who made the request.

But let's look at that person. What did they do wrong? They asked if you could do something for them. A simple request. You had the option of saying, "I'm sorry, I can't do that." And guess what? You don't even have to give a reason! You can if you'd like, but it's not required. What is important is that you learn to count the cost of your yes!

Proverb 31:16 says, 

I have often thought of that verse when choosing what I will and won't do with my time and energy. I must first consider the venture before I decide to take part in it. But all too often I just jump in and say yes to every field that comes along. Whatever we spend our time doing, is us sowing. We are sowing our time, talents, and treasure into whatever we are doing. And we will reap our harvest from what we are sowing. So, when we spend our valuable time, energy, and resources we must consder the cost of our activities. We must consider the cost of our commitments. Otherwise, the harvest we will reap may be resentment, frustration, and chaos.

We women often have trouble saying no because we don't want to hurt our friendships. But in saying yes when we shouldn't, we end up doing the very thing we are trying not to do, hurting our friendship. We are afraid our friends will get upset with us if we say no, but we end up upset with them because we said yes when we really needed to say no.


And then we come across another problem with saying yes when we should say no. We then often complain and grumble about it. I know I do. Yet Philippians 2:14-15 has this to say about grumbling while we are doing something...

When we are grumbling and complaining we are not glorifying or pleasing God. In fact we are doing exactly what He has told us not to do. And we are tarnishing His reputation in the process. I have to confess, this is an area I struggle in. I have had victory before, but it is so easy to slip right back into the habit. 


So, let us be a people who let our yes be yes, and our no be no, so that we glorify our Father in heaven and shine as a light in this dark world. And in so doing, we protect the friendships we value. 

Be Blessed, 
Colleen

 

A Different Tale of Three Trees

My goal each year is to get our home decorated for Christmas during Thanksgiving weekend. Since we've been in the trailer the past four years, decorating is at a bare minimum as space is at a premium. Since we are in a season of transition yet again and since we had been sick, recovered and then got sick again, there has been no decorating. Rather than bemoan my lack of decor, I decided that it would be fun to share some old pictures of our old home and Christmas decorations over the years. So, in essence, it's a virtual, virtual tour. I hope you enjoy the pictures of some of our decorations. I know I have enjoyed looking back through them myself. 

I believe I have shared before about our artificial tree, but in case you haven't heard, I will share it again. When I was about 9 my grandmother got an artificial tree. It was huge! It was gorgeous! And I hated it! I loved the smell of a real tree. I loved the look and feel of a real tree. So when I got to my teens and began to work I would always bargain with her and pay for half the tree if she would agree to put up a real tree. Most years that's what we did. 

Here are a couple of pictures of my grandmother's beautiful tree. 

My sister and I opening gifts in 1974 and 1981 

These were the only two I could find on the computer. But you can see that it is a very large, full tree. 

When we had our own home we always bought a real tree. But as our family grew it got tougher and tougher to put out the money for a tree when we would rather spend that money on gifts for our loved ones. One year we had gone out for a super special Black Friday deal, (our first and last time!) And lo and behold, they had an artificial tree on sale for $5.00! A six foot tree for $5.00! My grandmother had passed away a few years earlier or I'm sure she would've had a grand laugh at our tree! As it turned out it stood 6 ft tall, but much of that was the stand and trunk, and it was not very big around. In fact, it was quite a scrawny tree compared to what we were used to. But it was a great buy and so we put it together and set about decorating it with our precious family ornaments. By the time we were done, I could not have loved that tree any more! It became a very special part of Christmas for me. A few years later a friend of my grandmother's gave me another tree, the exact same size and kind of tree, so now we had one for the living room and one for the family room! What a blessing those trees were to me. We would all decorate the family room tree with our country theme and then we would decorate the living room tree in a very elegant burgundy and gold. 

Here is the family room tree. 2003

You might be able to tell we had it set on a small box to give it a little more height, but even without the box you can see that there was a lot of "trunk" to that tree. 

Here is the living room tree with it's burgundy and gold decorations. 

I hope you've enjoyed our tale of three trees. It's funny how very much I have come to love our little trees. After all, it's really not about the tree at all, is it. It's really about the fact that we gather to celebrate the greatest gift of all, the birth of Jesus. And it's about who is gathered around that tree with me to celebrate Him. I often chuckle about how much I hated my grandmother's big, beautiful tree and how much I came to love our little scrawny trees. I know she would have laughed right along with me. And I'm sure she would have ribbed me every year about my lack of "pine tree smell". lol 

This year we will once again not be in our own home for Christmas so I will have to make do with memories of Christmases past. I will enjoy reminiscing here and I hope you will enjoy the trip down memory lane as well. This month I will write a little about some of our traditions as I share our virtual tour. 

Be Blessed,

Colleen

Thyroid Disease and the Estrogen/Progesterone Connection

Vitally Important Information for anyone dealing with thyroid disease. 

With all the estrogen in our foods, and soy, which produces estrogen in our bodies, in everything we eat, Estrogen Dominance is a real problem and even more so if you are dealing with Thyroid Disease. 

When I found out about the link between Thyroid Disease and Estrogen Dominance, it was the missing puzzle piece of my life! Unfortunately I could not find a Dr to help me treat it as most Drs are of the mindset that if you have Hypothyroid or Hashimoto's just throw some synthroid at it and do a blood test every so often. I urge you to read this if you are dealing with thyroid disease or think you might be.

I know it is very frustrating when your Dr doesn't understand or won't listen. I want to encourage you not to give up! I wish I hadn't. I gave up years ago when no one would listen and I've lost years of my life to this disease. I urge you to continue to research and push for a Dr who will listen. It won't go away and it won't get better on it's own. When no one else cares enough to look out for your health, you simply must!!

There's no point in reinventing the wheel so I will just post the link to this post. 

Hypothyroid Mom Hormonal Connection

Be Blessed, 

Colleen

P.S. Been dealing with seasonal illnesses in our home, will be back any day now. 

Craftilady - A Work of Heart: Official Blog Launch Giveaway

Craftilady - A Work of Heart: Official Blog Launch Giveaway

A New Journey Towards Healing and Health

Today's post is a serious one. As I share more with you about who I am, so you get to know me and my heart I want to touch on another area, health. Some of what I will talk about here is my journey toward a more healthy life. One thing I have struggled with for more than 35 years is Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. 

I was finally diagnosed and put on medication 28 years ago after going to many Doctors who told me I was fine and just needed to eat less and exercise more. They did no blood tests, no other tests, just heard my complaints and gave me that advice. I will never forget the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that I felt during those times. Looking to the "experts" for help and being told it was all my own fault. I had one Dr who actually said there was no such thing as "glandular" problems, it was just a fat person's excuse for being fat. I had one Dr who asked me to keep track of my food for two weeks and when I brought it back to him he called me a liar. He told me there was no way I could be gaining or maintaining the weight I was at if that was all I was eating. 

Just some of the symptoms of Hypothyroidism

One of the employees at the gym I worked out at expressed concern one day over the fact that I wasn't losing weight despite a very rigorous workout schedule. She said to me, "I watch you work out, I see how often you come in, you couldn't eat enough to maintain this weight with the workout load you carry. Something has to be wrong." I went back to the Dr and they told me to eat less and exercise more. 

I finally gave up. My health continued to decline and I continued to gain weight. Others expressed concern as well that they could see I wasn't eating enough to maintain my weight, along with the other complaints I had, one being that I felt like I had constant PMS. A few insisted I should see an endocrinologist. But I had long since given up on looking to Drs for answers. My last try had been met with a Dr who told me the standard, eat less and exercise more. At that point I was living on one slice of toast and one can of Pepsi a day. The toast to ease the nausea from no food (and quite probably the hypothyroidism although I didn't know it at the time) and the Pepsi for energy. I broke down crying and said, if I eat less I will die. She looked at me with contempt and said, "Well obviously that's not true, look at you!" I was 5' 4 1/2" and a "whopping" 145 pounds! I walked out of her office sobbing uncontrollably. 

Finally in January 1986, I was sitting in the office of my daughter's doctor and saw a magazine with a headline that grabbed my attention, "PMS or Thyroid Disease? Why Thyroid Disease So Often Goes Undiagnosed" I snatched that magazine up as if my life depended on it! I read through it and sure enough it listed every single symptom I had. I decided to give it one more try and made an appointment with an endocrinologist. 

My appointment didn't go very well, he listened to me, did a cursory exam and announced that he didn't really think anything was wrong with my thyroid, rather he decided I was depressed, but he would go ahead and do a blood test, just to be sure. A few days later he called me to get to the lab ASAP and get another test. Two days later, on a Saturday, I got the call I will never forget. He said, "I need the phone number to the nearest pharmacy, you need to pick up these pills and start them TODAY! Do not wait one more day before you begin this medication!" 

I wanted to take that bottle to every Dr who had ever humiliated me and wave it in their faces. HA! See, I was right! But what if I wasn't? What if they were right and it was all a mistake and it really was just because I was a bad person who ate too much and didn't exercise enough? So I waited each year with baited breath for my blood test results. I waited to hear that there had been a mistake and it really was all my fault. Yes, my self esteem had taken quite a beating.

In the beginning things were good. I had more energy and lost almost every pound of excess weight within 9 months of my diagnosis. Then 18 months after my diagnosis I had a life altering back injury and without the ability to be active my energy began to drop and the weight creeped back on. I thought it was all because of my back injury but I now know that it was because Thyroid Hormone alone was not enough. Yes in the beginning I felt better because of how horrible it had been, but as I evened out, I was still far from healthy or normal. 

Some days the exhaustion my body feels makes me need to lie down so badly I actually consider this option.

It has been a very long and tedious journey to this point. Doctors still don't get it. At least not the ones I have seen. My last visit to an endocrinologist was 5 1/2 years ago where I was met with a frustrated, your numbers look fine, why are you here? Despite the fact that even ignorant Drs recognize that you should be seen by an Endo Dr every year and I hadn't seen one in at least 5. Despite the fact that my primary had referred me because he didn't think my numbers were "fine". She ran another blood test, announced, "You're within the normal range, if your Dr wants to adjust your meds he can. It doesn't matter." and exited the exam room. I was embarrassed yet again and decided to give up. Again. Still. 

There is much more to my story. How my early interactions with misinformed Doctors caused an eating disorder as I struggled over the years to eat less and to starve myself enough to "break my body" and "force it to stop storing fat". A miscarriage that I now believe was related to my undiagnosed Thyroiditis. My discovery years ago that I had estrogen dominance and it's impact on Hypothyroidism, which my Doctors completely ignored and looked at me like I had three heads when I tried to discuss it with them. How I literally had to diagnose myself with Hashimotos and then the Dr confirmed it, 12 years after my original diagnosis of hypothyroidism. (and thanks to the internet!) How when he confirmed it he literally said, yeah you have Hashimotos see you in six months as he walked out the door. And so much more. I don't know how much of those pieces of my story I will share. But I'm sure I will touch on some as I begin to explore this puzzle.  

Misinformed Doctors caused me more harm than possibly anything else about my disease.

Today I am learning so much more about diet, how important it is to avoid certain foods and to eat certain others. How important it is to go gluten free. How autoimmune disease affects so much of our health and how to live with one. How Hashimotos can cause Periodontal Disease and tooth loss. How Hashimotos causes depression. How many different types of medication there are. How very much my Hashimotos affects every aspect of my health and life, not just my weight. Just today as I was writing this I learned three new things about Hypothyroidism that I hadn't known after 35 years of living with it. 

It isn't easy to put the pieces together because along with the extreme fatigue I sometimes deal with, comes a certain amount of what they call, "brain fog", which affects the ability to sort through the mountains of information to find what is actually true and what is not. But I'm just beginning this phase of my journey and will be sharing about that as well sometimes. 

I hope you will find this journey helpful, interesting and maybe even inspiring as well. 

Blessings,

Colleen

Also, please visit my Giveaway post and enter to win a copy of A Woman After God's Own Heart. You can find it here: 

http://craftilady.blogspot.com/2014/11/official-blog-launch-giveaway.html 

Joining these Link Parties:

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A Little R&R
http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2014/11/4-things-ive-learned-about-growing-blog.html

http://raisinghomemakers.com/2014/homemaking-link-up-198

http://chickadeehomestead.com/2014/11/homestead-blog-hop-4.html

The Only Thing That Remains The Same, Is Change

Our family has experienced so much change in life. I remember when I was a little girl, I did not do well with change. I hated it! I wanted life to stay the same forever! But the thing I've come to learn is that if things never changed, we would miss out on so many wonderful things and people! 

If things never changed I would not have most of the friends I have today. I wouldn't have my children or my husband. I wouldn't even have the Lord if things never changed. I wouldn't have the amazing experiences I've lived. 

Without change I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I like the person I am today. And the things I don't like, I can change! Ah, the beauty of change. 

We must learn to embrace change because the one certainty in life is that change will happen! Things will change, people will change, circumstances will change. Sometimes for the worse, but more often for the better. We just don't notice the better! 

We all notice and hate change when it's something bad. Losing a loved one, a friend moving away, etc... But there are lots of change we don't even notice. Like new friends! New experiences! New loved ones! That is change also. 

If you think about it there are many more good changes that happen in our lives than bad ones, they're just usually not as traumatic so we tend not to take notice of them, which causes us to view change as a bad thing. 

Change can also be scary. Sometimes change comes in the form of scary things. New jobs, new places, new people, these are exciting things, but also scary. 

Here are some things I've learned about change, 

God never changes. 

His plan demands change.

I can trust Him. 

I can trust change. 

Leaning on Him through change is the only way to get through some changes. Especially the big one, the sad ones, the scary ones. Trusting Him to see me through the changes that I don't want to go through makes it a little easier. 

There's no getting around it, sometimes change stinks! But sometimes change opens the door for amazing new adventures! And sometimes it opens the door for new loved ones in our lives.

Our families grow and change and what new blessings would we miss out on if things never changed? Our family has changed a lot and I am so thankful for each member of our family! Where would I freeze time? To freeze it in one place would mean losing out on the blessings to come. So no, bad or good, I have to accept change because stopping any bad change, also stops every good change.

Our family 15 years ago.

Our family 3 months ago

Our family 8 days ago

Are there changes in your life that you're struggling to accept? I know there are in mine. Today I am choosing to give those changes to Him and trust Him with them. I hope you will do the same. 

Be Blessed, 

Colleen

And don't forget about my giveaway that started Friday! 

http://www.craftilady.blogspot.com/2014/11/official-blog-launch-giveaway.html

Linking up to:

The Modest Mom
http://www.themodestmomblog.com/

Official Blog Launch Giveaway

Here it is, the official blog launch giveaway. 

Years ago I read and did a study of the book, "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George. It was life changing for me. This book really helped God work in me a heart after Him. Discovering the characteristics of a Godly woman. As I read this book the Holy Spirit began to transform my heart in a whole new way. So today I would love to give away a copy of this book to a reader. There are three ways to earn entry into this contest. Liking my facebook page earns you two entries and is mandatory. Commenting on this post also earns you two entries and is mandatory. Visiting my Pinterest page and then commenting on which board you like best earns you three entries but is not mandatory. You don't have to explore each board, just take a look at the list of boards and tell me which one would be your favorite. Of course you're free to explore the boards, but it's not necessary for entry. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Family Time

What a great weekend I had spending lots of time with our family. We started off with dinner on Friday night to celebrate our older son's birthday. Never ending pasta bowls at Olive Garden followed up with ice cream and chocolate chip cookies at home while watching The Muppets Most Wanted. Saturday was the going away party for our eldest grandson who leaves today for Basic Training in the United States Army. Sunday was just a day of hanging out together. Time with our kids and grandkids is the surest way to put a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I truly do cherish the time we get to spend together. 

Here is the newest photo of all 10 of us together. 

Sammi, EJ, Nikki, Jocelyn, Nathan, Danny, Me, Kevin,
Front row: Tristan, Mason

My three men, they're all grown up now, hanging out having fun at Nate's going away party. EJ, Danny, Nathan with Sammi and Mason playing together in the foreground,

And some pics from EJ's birthday dinner. The waiter was so busy we forgot to have him take a family picture when things slowed down a little.

Danny, EJ, Nicole, Me and Samantha

My three hungry guys, Kevin, Daniel, E.J.

Waiting for food with Grampa.

Have a blessed day! 

Colleen

A Glimpse of My Heart

The "Official" launch of this blog takes place in just 5 days with a book giveaway. 

Over the next few days I will be posting some "Getting to know me" type posts to introduce myself, my story, and my heart. I hope you'll enjoy getting to know a bit more about me than just the "About Me" section of the blog. 

The book I will be giving away is a book I read years ago that was lifechanging for me. 

Being a stay at home wife and mother has been the biggest blessing of my life. It was a huge financial sacrifice and was not easy, but it was the single most rewarding thing I've done in my life and I am most grateful for choosing that road. No job, award or financial reward could ever compare to the opportunity to be God's hands, feet and heart in my home. To make my home and family my first ministry, my first priority. I am not perfect at it. I am not the perfect wife, mother, or homemaker, but I am possibly the most grateful. God has taught me more about His love, mercy and grace through my role as a wife and mother than through any other Bible Study, Sermon, or time of Fellowship. I have learned that serving Him doesn't require me to leave my own home, it is something that starts first and foremost inside my own home and then spreads out to the church, community and world. 

As I journeyed through my life as a homemaker, God gave me a heart to encourage and help ease the burdens of other wives, moms, women and homeschool moms. The life of a stay at home wife and mother is not an easy one and we can use all the encouragement we can get. The schedule is grueling, the work is never-ending, the responsiblities are enormous, but the rewards outweigh all of it! The joy is indescribable! The blessings overwhelming. Sometimes however, the rewards are not felt right away. When you're in the midst of teething, or sibling squabbles, endless piles of laundry and dirty dishes, it can be hard to see how rewarding it is. lol Some days I used to get envious of the fact that my husband could go to the restroom any time he wanted to while he was at work. Somedays just getting a shower taken was a luxury sweeter than a Carribean Cruise. But then again, a hug from your sweet child is more valuable than a diamond necklace. An appreciative kiss from your husband means more than all the roses in the world.

On top of all that, the world tells us that what we do is of no importance. Moms are easily replaceable in the world we live in today. We are told that we should send our little ones into daycare and preschool at the tender ages of 2 and 3! Let me assure you, there is nothing of value that preschool or daycare has to offer your child over the love, affection and attention of their mommy! You are absolutely irreplacable in their eyes! And the work you do in your home has the potential to impact your family for many generations to come! Most importantly, the work we do in our homes and our families is the direct work of God and there is nothing more valuable, more important or more rewarding than that! But in the midst of the day to day work remembering that can be difficult some days. 

So, my heart is to encourage wives and moms in their roles. And to encourage Christian women in their walk with the Lord. In addition to that I am quite simply a Christian woman, wife, mother, grandmother, who enjoys creating a home, sipping tea, line dancing, music, comedy, singing, crafting, keeping up with friends and family on Facebook and trying to move towards a healthier lifestyle. So there you have it, a sample of what you can expect to find here on my blog. I pray you will walk away after each post inspired, encouraged, amused, hopeful, thinking, glad you took the time to visit.

Be Blessed,
Colleen

THE LAST TIME

Everytime I read this it brings tears to my eyes. I have always tried to encourage moms who are in the thick of things with little ones that this too shall pass and truly in the blink of an eye. But this poem states it so well, such a perfect reminder to truly embrace each season, each moment. I know some days feel overwhelming. I know some days it seems impossible to hang on one more moment in the midst of the trials and turmoil that little ones can bring. But in the midst of the trying times, we must have something to hold onto, something to help us keep perspective that our children are little for such a short time and that one day we will miss this. We will long for just a moment of it back. One day there will be silence and no more messes and we will wish to turn the clock back, but we won't be able to. So if you find yourself in the midst of the turmoil, overwhelmed, take a moment to think on this and remember, that this too shall pass.

I remember when my children were young all my "God stories" started with, I was in the shower and... the shower was my prayer closet. It is where I took very quick showers, but spent that time not only letting the water wash over me, but letting His Spirit wash over me. It is where I sang to the Lord, where I cried out to Him to sustain me, to strengthen me, to give me wisdom, or whatever my need was that day. It was a very precious and coveted time. I pray you will look to the Lord to sustain you and provide whatever it is you need today.

And I hope that you will find that this poem is a great reminder to make the most of each day because there will always be, a last time.

THE LAST TIME 

        ~Author Unknown 

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same

You might long for the person you were before 

When you had freedom and time

And nothing in particular to worry about

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before

Days will run into days that are exactly the same

Full of feedings and burping

Nappy changes and crying

Whining and fighting

Naps or a lack of naps

It might seem like a never-ending cycle

But don’t forget…

There is a last time for everything

There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down 

And never pick them up that way again

You will scrub their hair in the bath for one last time 

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone

They will hold your hand to cross the road 

Then will never reach for it again

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles

And it will be the last night you ever wake to this

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions

Then never sing them that song again

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate 

The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face

They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time 

Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realise.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.

For one last time.

Change Is In The Air

Please bear with me as I relearn to navigate the editing features and my blog changes appearance, sometimes minute by minute. lol I really am hard at work to bring you the best blog I can and since it's been so long since I've changed backgrounds I am having to relearn how blogger works. Thanks for your patience while I am under construction!

Be Blessed,
Colleen

The Countdown Begins

I am excited to announce the Official Relaunch of this blog! Well, technically it would be the launch, since I never did actually launch it. While I started this blog years ago, I struggled to find my voice. Got sidelined numerous times by surgeries, car accidents, family crises, lack of internet, lack of confidence, etc... 

However, I am finally ready to take the plunge and formally launch this blog! So, stay tuned! I have a launch party planned with some fun giveaways. 

I will be back soon with more information! So, for now, stay tuned!! 

I will be checking in with some fun teasers on what is coming up. 

Be Blessed, 

Colleen

10 Years Ago

One of my favorite pictures of my mom and I celebrating her birthday. 

10 years ago I was enjoying a day at the fair with my family when I got a call that my mom was being taken to the hospital with some severe symptoms, I sat in a secluded space and had a little meltdown and then pulled myself together when they said she would be fine, no need to rush up to see her, they were going to put her in a room and get her situated and we should really wait until the next day to come see her. 

So, we asked them to please tell her we loved her and we would be up first thing in the morning to see her. We finished our day and went home exhausted to fall into bed. The phone rang around one in the morning with the news that my mom had passed away at 12:01 am. No! That can't be, they said she would be fine and we had plenty of time to get up there to see her. 

That was the bad news. The good news, I know where my mom is today because she put her trust in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. My mom was a pro at showing unconditional love, I knew how much she loved me, and she knew how much I loved her. There was really nothing left unsaid between us. I had told her not only how much I loved her, but also that I was in awe of her bravery as a young woman who came across the country to start life over while alone and pregnant with me. I had told her I forgave her for her mistakes and asked her to forgive herself. 

The point of this post is not just to talk about how sad I am and how much I miss my mom, it's to remind us all to not take each other for granted. My mom was only 63 years old! Of course we thought we had more time! But we didn't. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so please don't take your loved ones for granted because you never know when you will be saying goodbye to someone for the last time. Tell those you love that you love them, often! And most of all, make time for those you really care about!

Be Blessed,
Colleen

The Problem With Lies

I have so many thoughts running through my head today. My mind is racing a million miles an hour. Last night I found out that two very dear friends of mine are being lied about. My son said to me, you shouldn't worry about it Mom, people won't believe it. I said that's the problem with lies, people will believe them. People you would never imagine would believe them, will.

These thoughts have been swirling through my head a lot lately anyway, after being lied about myself recently. Sadly it's not the first time that someone, unprovoked except by their own selfish motivations, has made up lies about me. I have been thinking a lot about the effects of lies. The hearts that get broken. The people that get hurt. The wreckage that can be left behind. The lies people have told about me hurt not only me, but my children, my family. The repercussions have cost us. We have lost friendships, we have had our finances impacted, we have had our entire lives upended by people and their lies. Sometimes it's a small impact, but often it's a huge ripple effect impact. When you lie about someone you have no idea how big that ripple will grow. How many lives you might affect.

After the lies there is the hurt when no one you thought would stand up for you, does. That is truly the worst of betrayal. That the people you care about, the people you expect will have your back, don't. The people who could make things right, won't. You wonder why they won't speak the truth that they know. You wonder why you aren't valuable enough to them for them to stand up for you. You feel lost, alone, worthless, when no one stands up for you. You wonder who you can trust. You wonder who really cares. It can all be very overwhelming.

And then you realize that people won't stand up because it will cost them. It will be hard. Most people, unfortunately, will choose the easy road. But the one thing you will learn, is who you can trust, and who you can't. Because in the end, it isn't about you at all, it's about the character, or lack there of, of the liars and the people who stand by and allow them to victimize others.

I would be remiss if I didn't add that in the end, in this most recent situation, two people did stand up for me. It didn't change anything in the situation with the other people, but it changed everything for me! Thank you to Pat and Roger for daring to have the character to stand up for me. God bless you both. Your actions mean more than you will ever know.

Blessings,
Colleen