Rest and Peace

Today, I am just looking for rest. I spent most of the day fighting with myself, so very tired and worn out. The battle raged inside me, one voice crying out, suck it up and get things done, the other quietly saying, rest. I mostly followed the quiet voice whispering, lay down and rest. Still tired, but I know it was the right thing to do. Even though laying down led to dozing off and missing time with a friend, my body is just plain weary, and so are my emotions. So, I am resting and seeking God's rest for the weary. The song comes to mind, I give you rest and peace, I give you joy and hope, lay all your burdens down, I give you rest. Perhaps if I practiced this more often I wouldn't find myself wrung out so often. Even after all these years, I am still learning to be gentle to myself and remember that I had a very major surgery just weeks ago and my body is still adjusting. I am human and my body requires rest to heal and perform. I have never been good at allowing myself time to rest. Time to love myself by giving myself permission to just rest. 

I hope today is a blessed day for you! 

Blessings,

Colleen

What Happens When You Trust and It Still Goes Wrong?

So, about two months ago I wrote about my surgery and about trusting God with the results. Well as I continued to heal, or not heal well as the case turned out to be. It turned out that I was right to be concerned with the results. The surgeon messed up and now I have to find another surgeon to try to fix the problem because my original surgeon won't acknowledge his mistake. He ignores my complaints of the complications of the surgery, which are not minor, and has discharged me even though I have not healed, even after two months, and even though two months later his mistake causes me to still need pain medication.

 

 

 

The good news is that for the most part I am handling this ok and have found another surgeon to meet with next week to see if he can fix things for me. I am still putting my trust in God to take care of this and to work it all out for my good, just as His word promises.

 

I am clinging these days to Romans 8:28 and believing Him to turn this around for my good. I do appreciate prayers though as I will most certainly require another surgery to fix the mistakes.

 

I will keep you posted on what He is doing through all of this so we can all share in praising Him through this trial. I pray you are also hanging onto Romans 8:28 whatever you might be facing today.

 

God Bless,

Colleen

The Stuff That Life is Made Of

Not much to report today. Betty spent most of the day sleeping. A hospice aide came in and gave her a nice bath and family was of course there attending and visiting. God graciously answered our prayers to get Betty through her bath and changing without nausea or pain. The aide was of course taken with Betty and told her she was glad she got assigned Betty as a client. Betty teased that we'll see how she feels after a couple of visits. The aide assured Betty she will still be happy. 

Betty's bedside table holds a few treasured trinkets and flowers along with her water.

She didn't really eat much of anything today, but Eric and Elena fed her a tiny bit of watermelon that she asked for and some ice chips. Elena reveled in taking care of her great grandma and was delighted at the fuss Betty made over the announcement that Elena had received honor roll again this semester. When she wasn't busy playing with her uncle, her video game, her dad or taking care of Betty, Elena was devoted to loving on Sadie and carrying her around. A very poignant and touching moment of the day was Elena standing on her daddy's feet as they maneuvered around the room and I thought back to Betty talking about dancing on her big brother's feet. I was so lost in the moment I didn't get a picture snapped, but it is forever etched in my mind. 

Mary's husband Brad lovingly putting a cold compress to Betty's forehead was another very tender moment between mother in law and son in law and the love between them was obvious. In the midst of paperwork, household chores and other such obligations, every eye and ear is always attuned to the slightest movement coming from Betty, and her loved ones eagerly attend to the need of the moment. Such loving devotion in action, a true tribute to the woman Betty is and the loving character of her family. 

Even though she was asleep much of the time, she asked us to keep talking while she dozed so we happily obliged. She didn't interject as much today as she usually does, but she did rouse here and there to join in the discussion before nodding back off again. 

She woke up for a little while this evening and we chatted some. Dana shared the newspaper article that Betty received in the mail from her friend in Atlantic, Iowa and Betty asked to see the included pic. It was an effort to open her eyes each time, but we did get the chance to see those lovely eyes of hers a few times. She shared with me that she is having a wonderful day because she is in the presence of the Lord. 

I got to spend some time sharing hugs, kisses, and I love yous, sharing some whispers of endearment and her whispering to me that I am "one of her girls" among other things, almost brought me to tears. She was all smiles when I told her that I had blogged last night and she insisted that she wanted to hear every word, so Dana printed it out and I read it to her. It was a little intimidating but her smiles and laughter told me she was pleased, as did the "beautiful" she whispered when I was done. Even though when I asked her if it was all right she gave me her little half smile and said, "It'll do." I also got to spend some time just holding her hand and quietly praying for her. When Kevin came to pick me up he got his hand holding time in too. :-) Dana laughed at the fact that Betty is allowed to hold my husband's hand "because she is Betty". What can I say, a Grand Dame such as Betty Derry has earned some liberties in life! Kevin and I prayed with Betty before we left and she was resting comfortably when we left for the evening. 

Sadie was especially out of sorts today but loved the attention she got from Mary and Elena.

Betty is managing on very little medication, and not having much pain at all. A little discomfort but that seems to mostly be due to being in bed and needing to adjust positions. Other than that, everyone is hanging in there and finding their rhythm and routine. Mary and Dana have fallen into a very natural split of duties, and work well together attending to Betty's every need. It is such a blessing to watch this lovely family care for and attend to their matriarch with such love and devotion to her and to each other. In this crazy, mixed up world we live in, the Derry family is a reminder of the stuff of which life is truly made. 

I want to remind us all today that tomorrow is promised to no one, so let's keep our eyes focused on the truth of what is important in life. Loving the Lord with all our heart and loving one another! Make time to love someone special today. 

Blessings,

Colleen

God At Work In The Midst Of It All

Here is a picture of Betty taken less than two months ago. It is her 88th birthday celebration and she is surrounded by family, including her daughter Mary on the far left with the glasses and Dana seated to Betty's left with the white sweater. 

What a blessing it has been to spend time with Betty and her daughters. It is always amazing to watch God work, and believe me when I tell you that He is working in the midst of this! 

As I come in for my latest visit, Mary is massaging Betty's legs with some delicious smelling lavender lotion and as we hug and kiss I remark that I am happy to see her being pampered, "just as it should be". Her retort is, "and as it SHALL continue to be!" we all laugh. 

Betty and Mary January 2012 visiting her grandson's school Taft University

As we sit and visit, laughing and sharing stories and memories, you would think we were just four girlfriends hanging out together. If not for the presence of the hospital bed where Betty reclines, you might think our discussion about what Betty wants done for her Celebration of Life service, was just four girlfriends sitting together planning a festive party. 

"There is to be dancing!" Betty declares. "What kind of dancing?" Mary inquires. I want everyone to do the Electric Slide. I take notes, Mary and Dana laugh and wonder aloud if this would be appropriate or if people will be offended. I remind them it doesn't matter what others think, it's what Betty wants and Betty says she wants "anything that causes a stir!" They wonder how many people know the Electric Slide and wonder about how we could find a teacher for the service, I share with them that Daniel, Samantha and I teach line dancing and can do it. (Another God moment) Mary asks me if I will dance with her and I say of course I will. Because I will do just about anything for my Dear Betty, including teaching The Electric Slide at her Celebration Service. Betty remembers her brother "Dutch" teaching her to dance as a young girl while she stood on his "polished wingtip shoes" in his kitchen. She insists he wasn't successful, but I doubt that is true. 

Out of nowhere Betty says, "There should be sandwiches, and pickles, don't you think?" I grab my pen and start to take notes, Dana comes back in from the kitchen and we are planning again. A menu is taking shape and it reminds me of a country picnic, so fitting for celebrating the life of this Country Gal turned City Woman. It is decided that there should be sandwiches, and pickles, and baked beans and potato salad and watermelon. Dana suggests we should have Boysenberry pie and Betty lights up at the thought! And so it goes. Little by little her celebration service is coming together, directed and planned by Betty herself. 

There should not be black! Maybe people can wear a little black but not lots of it. "I don't want to look down and see a black blob" Betty states. We discuss Betty's favorite shade of blue again and she reiterates that she wants people to be happy and a celebratory mood to prevail. 

At some point, again out of almost nowhere, Betty tells us that when this is over we three are all to go to Casa Del Rey and have a margarita, we look at each other and grin and acquiesce. Well, if she's going to insist I guess it's the least we can do right! I mean, you just don't say no to Betty. (and they do serve virgin Margaritas btw.)

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with God working. You can feel God throughout all of this in the atmosphere of her home as we visit. It is one of joy and laughter, teasing and chiding. It is one that can only be orchestrated by our Heavenly Father who promises to give us a "Peace that surpasses understanding." And that is exactly what He is doing. Mary and Dana are finding that there is a strength born of their mother's faith, and their own, that they didn't know was within them. God is working through this time to bring the family to the place where they are ready for Betty's next step on this journey. I am reminded, and share with them, that God gives us what we need, when we need it, if we will just place our trust in Him. 

Betty is concerned about being a burden to her family, but I remind her that this is what her family needs, to take care of her and make this transition with her. I remind her of what she already knows, that God is in control and giving each family member what they need to get through this journey, so just trust Him for this part too. She nods her head because she already knows this, but the mother in her is concerned for her children's well being. She is used to being the caretaker, not the patient. Although not a role she is used to assuming, I must point out that she is relishing it and enjoying every moment of it. 

Every once in awhile Mary or Dana wonder aloud to their mom, "How will we do this or that without you?" and she reassures them they will do just fine. Mary is concerned that Betty has the memory of the family and how will they remember things, Betty tells her she will work at it just as Betty has always done and it will be fine. Even now she is still the Mom and teaching her children life lessons. We talk about God and His promises and how He takes care of us. 

My husband has joined us a couple of times and Betty takes extra delight in her male audience member as she entertains us all with her witty remarks, we all listen and laugh and of course she gets in a little bit of hand holding with him, because she is Betty! 

Dana and Betty with Pete Carroll while visiting USC in May 2009

Another way I see God working through all of this is the fact that we went through all of this with my dear mother in law just over a year ago and that experience gives me the ability to hopefully offer Mary and Dana some bits of knowledge or comfort born of experience and I marvel at how God brought this friendship about to allow for this very thing. For as His word says, we shall comfort with the measure with which we have been comforted. (My paraphrase)

Sometimes Betty seems to be sound asleep as Mary, Dana and I chat, but then out of nowhere she comments on something we are talking about, reminding us that she is always listening. Of course there are the moments when her symptoms act up and bring us all back to the sharp reality of what is really happening here. But for the most part as she reclines in her bed, mostly with her eyes closed, sometimes nibbling at tiny pieces of pickle or watermelon or whatever she has requested to have a taste of, the main reminder of what is really happening is just her exhaustion. Of course the reality never leaves our minds, but God is so good to us to keep other things in the forefront where we are not consumed by it. And of course Betty's spirit keeps us all going as we soak in every moment of this precious time with her. And then when I come home, I hug my children a little bit longer and hold my husband's hand a little tighter, reminding them and myself how precious they are to me. 

Today I urge you also, to hold your loved ones a little closer and longer and breathe in their closeness while you are all still together. For as my friend Betty is teaching me, make the most of life, because it all passes too quickly. 

Blessings,

Colleen


Tonight I'm linking to
The Sunday Community

An Update for Friends and Family of Betty

For those who are praying for my Darling Betty, here is an update I posted last night on FB for her family and friends. 

"I wanted to post a quick update on my darling friend Betty. Her daughter Dana is hoping to get online for a few minutes tomorrow to update family and friends, but as I'm sure you understand she has little time for fb these days, so I told her I would post a message with tags in hopes that Betty's friends would see it for now. 

I have spent some time with Betty, Dana, and Mary the past couple of days and wanted to assure you all that Betty is really doing very well through all of this. She is resting comfortably and having her every need lovingly attended to by Mary and Dana as well as Denny and his wife Patricia, Dana and Mary's husbands and Betty's grandchildren. She is lovingly attended to 24/7 with not only her loved ones by her side, but her little Sadie as well who spent some time cuddled up with Betty and loving her today. 

It is very important to Betty that everyone know that she is not at all afraid. She feels as though she is going home and she is excited and looking forward to the journey. She knows loved ones are waiting there for her as well as her heavenly Father. 

She continues to be sharp as a tack and as witty as ever, just very tired. Her physical symptoms are being managed with medication and she is comfortable. We listened to some of her favorite music tonight and she literally had her toes tapping in the air as she rested and enjoyed the music, letting us know when she didn't like a song so Dana could FF to the next song. 

She is her same lovable, humorous, sassy, good old old broad self! (she has specifically asked me to use the term good old broad when referring to her). 

I hope this puts some minds to rest and hopefully Dana will be on soon to answer messages and update you all. 

Blessings,

Colleen (Betty's friend) "

Tribute Tuesday ~ Betty Derry

The idea for this Tribute Tuesday has been running around my mind for months now, however the task seemed overwhelming so I kept putting it off. Being the perfectionist that I am, I struggle to let go of my fear of imperfection and just put pen to paper, or type to blog as it were. However, as we find that time waits for no man, or blog, I must lay down my perfectionist tendencies and write this blog. 

The idea of Tribute Tuesday came about as I was thanking God for some of the amazing women He has placed in my life. These women I am speaking of are not family members, although at some point I may move on to the amazing family members as well. But for now, they are the women God brought into my life to inspire and teach me. 

I did have amazing women in my life already. My grandmother, my mother, my mother-in-law, they were amazing women who gave me so much in life. So much love, so much wisdom, and when each of them passed the void they left was heartbreaking. But the one thing they didn't give me, either because they were taken too soon, or for other reasons, was showing me how to live life after a certain age. That is where these women come in to the picture. 

God began to bring women into my life that were embracing life and making the most of their golden years. These women became my adopted grandmothers and mothers, although they didn't know it. They became my mentors. My inspiration. I had contemplated doing this series in the order they arrived in my life, however something has happened to change that. My very dear friend, adopted grandmother, mentor, heroine, Betty, has just received the news that she will be placed on hospice care tomorrow. Suddenly writing her tribute became urgent. Not because she doesn't know how I feel about her, she does. The one thing I have learned from losing too many loved ones too early is to let people know how much I love them. But because I wanted to share with others how special she is to me, and to pay proper tribute to her while she could still enjoy it. 

Betty and I

Betty has known my husband's family for many years. Her and her family attended the same church as my husband while he was growing up. She worked in the office, the preschool, volunteered at church, the PTA and more. When I met Betty it was shortly before she lost her beloved husband. My husband and I, along with our children, had begun to attend the church he went to as a child and Betty was still there with her husband. I won't go into details, but the time came for us to leave the church under very distressful circumstances and we lost contact with most of our church family. A few years later we were reunited with Betty and her daughters at a mutual friend's birthday celebration and found that the same had happened to them. We all shared our sorrow and stories and bonded. Another few years passed and Betty and I became friends on Facebook. I began to learn a lot more about Betty and she became one of the amazing ladies of my life story! 

After losing her husband, her church of more than 30 years, and many of their friends from that time period, she was not about to sit around and feel sorry for herself! Not Betty! She is a feisty, funny, Grand Dame with dashed dreams of stardom but on the same level of grandeur as her heroines, Elizabeth Taylor, Debbie Reynolds and Shirley Temple, whom she had dreamed of becoming best friends with when she moved to California as a young bride many years ago. I assure you, it was Shirley's loss that this never occurred! 

As a feisty octogenarian rivaling any of the famed Golden Girls, she began writing a blog about her life as a country gal turned city woman. Telling enthralling stories with style and humor about life in her small Iowa hometown. I often found myself on the edge of my seat completely engrossed in her stories about friends and family and a simpler life. Let me tell you, few can turn a phrase as well as my friend Betty! She began her blog with the goal of leaving a legacy for her family members, but she left so much more than that! And her story didn't end there. 

Betty has continued her volunteer work, continued to bowl regularly in a league until recently and kept in touch with many family and friends old and new. She is a celebrity of sorts among family and friends who delight in her stories and her company. She lights up a gathering like nobody's business! She has continued to keep family and friends up to date on the going's on of her hometown, visiting for reunions and writing about her travels. She had a few things published, much to her delight and the delight of her devoted followers, of which I count myself chief!

That all sounds like quite the full life of a Golden Girl in her eighties, doesn't it? Oh, but Betty wasn't about to rest on her laurels, there was still living to do and opportunities to grab hold of! At the tender age of 86 Betty saw that the editor of her local paper was looking for local bloggers and so she contacted him and started that very day! After many years of writing for her high school paper, PTA, her blog and various other endeavors, Betty was beginning a whole new career as a published blogger for her local newspaper when others her age were sitting in their rockers watching soaps. 

Now you are beginning to get a picture of why Betty is such an inspiration to me! She has truly wrung every ounce out of life. Enjoying the moment. Embracing each season of her life. Loving her family, her friends. Enjoying the brazeness that one can get away with when one reaches a certain age, such as flirting with the cute men that cross one's path. She has fully embraced the "Grand Dameness" of her legendary heroines, all the while carrying herself with the class befitting a woman heralding from the Midwest of "a certain age". 

You thought I was kidding about the flirting, but here she is holding hands with the groom. Oh the things you can get away with when you're Betty!

Did all her dreams come true? No. She never did become best friends with Shirley Temple. She never did get the opportunity to grace the silver screen. I don't believe she ever did hear back from Bryan Cranston. But she DID make the most of what she was given. She did busy herself doing good as women her age are admonished in the Bible to do. She did not become a busybody flitting about. She did make her family and friends very proud of her. She enriches our lives every day with her humor, her wisdom, her bravery, her zest for life! 

Betty and I also shared some things that she might not even be aware of. I also had dreams of becoming an actress and gracing the silver screen, also dreamed of being a writer. We shared a love of some of the same old movies and their stars, of the glamour of the golden days of Hollywood. We laughed about the fact that while she was a country gal who had become a city woman, I was a city gal that had become a country woman. We shared words of encouragement, I think she thought I was encouraging her, but she was encouraging me just as much and teaching me so much as well. 

Our last visit, so far, was at the wedding of a mutual friend, who you will also one day read about here on Tribute Tuesday. We sat together, with my husband, her daughters and some other longtime friends and we laughed and enjoyed ourselves, we held hands, shared hugs, and accompanied each other to the ladies room as we women are known to do, her daughters laughed at us and our mutual admiration, they teased us good naturedly and pretended to be jealous, we all had a grand time celebrating Jim and Peggy and enjoying one another's company, and I will always cherish those memories! As I will cherish our conversations on Facebook. I don't know how much time she has left with us, but I do know that even now she is teaching her loved ones lessons on bravery, on strength, on grace, on facing life no matter what comes your way! 

I do think our table had more fun than any other at the reception and that was mostly because Betty was at the center of it! 

My dear friend has just began a new adventure, her words not mine, as she hadn't been feeling well for awhile and after much testing has just been diagnosed with adenocarcinoma and will begin hospice care today. She is lovingly surrounded by her family and facing this latest "adventure" with her usual courage, strength and grace. Comforting those around her and giving them the strength they don't find within themselves right now. This is my dear friend Betty. Facing that which life gives out and making the most of life. 

My mere words are so sadly inadequate to pay tribute to such an amazing woman who has given me so much through her friendship and just living her life. She never set out to be a hero, she never set out to be my mentor, she simply lived her life in a heroic way and taught me so much in the process! She gave me gifts I can never repay. My love for her is overwhelming and I am brokenhearted at the thought of a day when I will sign in to Facebook and my cherished friend won't be there with new stories or encouragement. But I will try to take a page out of her book and cherish what she gave me. I will forever be grateful for our friendship and the love she freely gave me these past years. 

And I will pursue my writing as I promised her I would. I may never turn a phrase with the style and wit of my dear friend Betty, but I will give it my all. I will strive to put down my fears, my perfectionism and my self doubt, and do my mentor proud. 

I love you, Betty! I believe you know how special you are to me, you are a treasure, and a gem and I can never say thank you enough for making time for me in your life. 

I am forever grateful that you chose to get on that "Pony Express" train 55 years ago to leave Atlantic, Iowa and risk life and limb and the possibility of being taken into captivity, to follow your groom to California, where some 35 years later we would chance to meet. 

I hope to get to spend some more time with you as you are on this journey, but as we never know what tomorrow holds, I just had to say, I love you!! 

Blessings,

Colleen

If you would like to read Betty's blog you can find her original blog here:

http://www.countrygalcitywoman.blogspot.com

and her professional blog at

http://www.arcadiapatch.com

I'm linking to these link ups:

WholeHearted Home

http://judithwholeheartedhome.com/

The Time Warp Wife


A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/

Kasey at Walking Redeemed

Psalm 51:10-17

Do you ever have those moments when you are reading something in the Bible that you've read many times before but suddenly God stops you and shows you something new? Well, I'm sure you have. I love those moments! Today was one of those moments for me. I was reading through some Psalms and as I was going through Psalm 51 I was just reading along when God stopped me and brought me back to verses 10-17 and got my attentions. 

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation

And sustain me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners will be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;

Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,

That my mouth may declare Your praise.

16 For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;

You are not pleased with burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

I can't count how many times I have prayed the words of verse 10. But today God wanted me to notice that it doesn't stop there. He wants me to be contrite, He wants to create a clean heart in me so that I will then teach others His ways and they will be converted to Him!! He wants to deliver me so that my tongue will joyfully sing of His righteousness! So that I may declare His praise! 

He wants these things not just for us, but so that we may then save others! 

I am so thankful when God opens my eyes to something new in His word and reminds me that His word is ALIVE and all I have to do is open it. 

Blessings,

Colleen

Linking up to:

A Wise Woman Builds Her House

http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2013/06/wise-woman-linkup.html


Wholehearted Home

http://judithwholeheartedhome.com/abandon-to-god/





Walking Redeemed


Raising Homemakers