Just days after my last post I had to have surgery again, so here I am two months later still working on my recovery. Sitting is not easy so computer time is rare. And as I have spent the past five months recovering and feeling like time is just passing me by, we have lost 3 very special friends and I am reminded how very precious and fleeting time is!
All three of these special people were much too young to pass, and yet it reminds us that none of us knows the number of days we are allotted here. Thankfully I have no doubt that each of them has left this earthly place to go home to be with their heavenly Father, yet still their loved ones ache with the emptiness that is left when someone you love so dearly, a daughter, sister, mother, wife, husband, father, friend, is suddenly gone.
It makes me want to hold my loved ones closer, tighter, longer. And yet I still struggle with the busyness of the unimportant! What can be so important that it takes me from those I love and cherish and steals my precious time? And so I vow once again to make better choices about how I spend my time! Perhaps today is the day it sinks in? Teach me to number my days oh Lord that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12
Blessings!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Enjoy Today
I found this little blinkie and just wanted to share. Too many times we find ourselves wishing we were somewhere else or at a different time in our lives. I know I have been very guilty of that as I have been recovering from my surgery and not just taking the time to enjoy this time with my family. That changes today. Enjoy today!
Be blessed!!
Be blessed!!
Life On The Farm, and On The Mend
Well, after my last post I had to have a hysterectomy and repair surgery. I was told that recovery would take 6-8 weeks but I'm not really sure what I heard when they said that because I really thought it would be a couple of weeks of recovery with a couple of weeks of taking it easy and then BAM, I'd be back to my old self, only better! Well, I could not have been more wrong. When they said 6-8 weeks, they meant 6-8 weeks! I realize now that I didn't take the surgery seriously enough, and if I could do it over again, which I hope not to ever have to do, I would take it much easier than I did. I would take advantage of laying down more and I would insist on much better pain management. A lot happened with this surgery, and I don't really feel up to going into that now, but I may later so that anyone who reads it may avoid the nightmare that I went through with pain management issues. The good news is they left my ovaries, the bad news is that I seem to have been thrown into menopause anyway! Major hot flashes since the surgery. But enough about that for now.
Because of that I have not been able to unpack or decorate our new farmhouse at all and it gets more irritating every day that goes by. We have added assorted rabbits, two more roosters and a baby chick to our menagerie. I know, two more roosters? Why? Well, it wasn't exactly on purpose.
Then we found two baby chicks at the feed store so we bought a Rhode Island Red and a Plymouth Barred Rock. Unfortunately the Red died after a few weeks, but the Barred Rock is thriving and growing and is very close to Charlie. In the beginning Charlie was not very happy and felt more than a little displaced by the new arrivals, but with the death of the Red, he began to grow closer to the other chick. They even got to the point of sharing a cage.
A few weeks ago a friend called and asked if we could take in their rooster. It seems that they bought a bunch of baby chicks and one turned out to be a rooster, which they are not allowed to have and a neighbor was complaining and they were desperate to find a new home, so we brought home Topol. He's a Russian Spangled Orloff, and we are musical lovers, hence the name. We watched them closely and he and Charlie seem to be living peacefully enough together. It is very funny now to watch the three of them follow each other around the yard.
The only one not very pleased with the situation is Elvis, our cockatiel who lives on the back porch and who's cage has become their favorite roosting place. At first she, yes she, I'll explain in a minute, at first she put up quite a fuss, but now she has resigned herself to the fact that the three of them jump on her cage at night and settle in for a good night's rest.
We had a cockatiel named Clyde that we got from a friend when his mother attacked him and tried to kill him. He was hand raised and had a huge bald spot in the back of his head from where his mother had attacked him. Clyde loved my husband more than any of us and loved to snuggle up on the back of Kevin's neck and play in his hair. Well one morning the kids came running into our bedroom waking us up with a chorus of, "Clyde laid an egg, Clyde laid an egg!" My husband and I looked at each other through bleary eyes and asked, what could be in the cage that looks like an egg? Kevin got up and went into the other room to investigate while I stayed in bed wondering what in the world could have gotten into the cage that looked like and egg! What could have gotten in the cage at all? Could the kids have maybe put something in the cage? When my husband returned to fall back into bed I asked him, "Well, what is in the cage that looks like an egg?" He said, "An egg." hmmm, okay so Clyde became Cleo and went on to lay many eggs in her time. My mother loved Cleo so much that for her birthday the next year we bought her a cockatiel of her own whom she promptly named Elvis since she loved Elvis Presley so much. He lived with her for 5 years until she passed away, then he came to live with us. We were hoping for some baby cockatiels with Elvis and Cleo. Cleo was in the process of laying so we had high hopes for some babies! Soon we were being deluged with eggs! Tons of them! More than we had ever had before, surely there would be babies soon! But then we began to suspect that perhaps Cleo wasn't the only bird in that cage laying eggs. Well, actually the kids suspected, I was still sure that Elvis was a male since he had lived with my mom for 4 years without laying a single egg. Surely he wasn't laying now. Surprise! One day we found Elvis with an egg stuck to him, err her. Sometimes when birds lay too many eggs they lose calcium and can become egg bound. Luckily for us we had gone through this with Cleo before and luckily in both cases the eggs became attached outside the bird. If they become bound inside, the bird usually dies from it. The only thing I could figure was that Elvis moved in with Cleo, saw her lay an egg and said, "Oh is that all there is to it? I can do that!" And then she did. lol I tried to change Elvis' name to Priscilla but Elvis just stuck and so Elvis she remains. Cleo passed last year after 9 years with us.
We have yet to name our flock of 4 Rhode Island Red hens and 1 Rhode Island Red rooster who have to be kept secluded because their beaks have been cropped so they have to be kept in their own area away from the other chickens. I expect that we will always have to keep them separated for their own safety. It seems that now we will have to have at least 3 different coop areas for the 3 roosters. Although we also hope to get some arachonas so that means perhaps 4 different coop areas. I guess we'll see how well Charlie and Topol get along as Charlie grows.
The goats, who remain unamed also, continue to neglect the weeds in the backyard in favor of the various fruit trees which they are destroying! I am about to fire them! We had been watering the back area to make the weeds more desirable to them but the only part of the weeds they would actually eat was the dead part. And they only eat the weeds if we pull them out of the ground and feed it to them!! I don't need finicky goats! At that point they're just a disposal system. When the weeds got almost waist high I made them stop watering! My hope was that the rabbits would take care of the weeds but I have been unable to build a run for them so for now they live in the front area with the chicken and two roosters and are pampered. This whole farm thing is just not starting out the way I thought. lol
One frustration of this long recovery has been that I have been unable to build my chicken coop that I have been dreaming of, and that my garden never got planted. So many plans, so little achieved.
Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I will be up to writing more frequently, but the recovery continues to be a roller coaster ride so time will tell.
Be blessed!
Because of that I have not been able to unpack or decorate our new farmhouse at all and it gets more irritating every day that goes by. We have added assorted rabbits, two more roosters and a baby chick to our menagerie. I know, two more roosters? Why? Well, it wasn't exactly on purpose.
Daniel and Charlie during their morning routine.
First came "Charlie" the rooster. He came from a neighbors flock that practically lives here, his mother attacked and tried to kill him. He escaped and came running to our son, Daniel who happened to be sitting in the backyard at the time. Daniel gave him some grass and he adopted Daniel as his Dad. He would follow him everywhere he went and when Daniel came inside he would run around the sliding glass doors and cry and peck at the window. We got him a cage and would bring him in at night and put him back out during the day. Because of what happened he is an outcast to all the neighboring flocks so he lived on his own in the front half of our backyard. Our kids are very protective of him and chased away any of the other chickens that tried to come into that area so they stay away from that part now. It was so much fun to watch him develop his routine. The way he followed us around whenever we went outside. The way that he would come to the door at bedtime to let us know it was time to put him inside. At first we thought he was a chick, but as time went by we realized we had another rooster. Oh well.Then we found two baby chicks at the feed store so we bought a Rhode Island Red and a Plymouth Barred Rock. Unfortunately the Red died after a few weeks, but the Barred Rock is thriving and growing and is very close to Charlie. In the beginning Charlie was not very happy and felt more than a little displaced by the new arrivals, but with the death of the Red, he began to grow closer to the other chick. They even got to the point of sharing a cage.
A few weeks ago a friend called and asked if we could take in their rooster. It seems that they bought a bunch of baby chicks and one turned out to be a rooster, which they are not allowed to have and a neighbor was complaining and they were desperate to find a new home, so we brought home Topol. He's a Russian Spangled Orloff, and we are musical lovers, hence the name. We watched them closely and he and Charlie seem to be living peacefully enough together. It is very funny now to watch the three of them follow each other around the yard.
The only one not very pleased with the situation is Elvis, our cockatiel who lives on the back porch and who's cage has become their favorite roosting place. At first she, yes she, I'll explain in a minute, at first she put up quite a fuss, but now she has resigned herself to the fact that the three of them jump on her cage at night and settle in for a good night's rest.
We had a cockatiel named Clyde that we got from a friend when his mother attacked him and tried to kill him. He was hand raised and had a huge bald spot in the back of his head from where his mother had attacked him. Clyde loved my husband more than any of us and loved to snuggle up on the back of Kevin's neck and play in his hair. Well one morning the kids came running into our bedroom waking us up with a chorus of, "Clyde laid an egg, Clyde laid an egg!" My husband and I looked at each other through bleary eyes and asked, what could be in the cage that looks like an egg? Kevin got up and went into the other room to investigate while I stayed in bed wondering what in the world could have gotten into the cage that looked like and egg! What could have gotten in the cage at all? Could the kids have maybe put something in the cage? When my husband returned to fall back into bed I asked him, "Well, what is in the cage that looks like an egg?" He said, "An egg." hmmm, okay so Clyde became Cleo and went on to lay many eggs in her time. My mother loved Cleo so much that for her birthday the next year we bought her a cockatiel of her own whom she promptly named Elvis since she loved Elvis Presley so much. He lived with her for 5 years until she passed away, then he came to live with us. We were hoping for some baby cockatiels with Elvis and Cleo. Cleo was in the process of laying so we had high hopes for some babies! Soon we were being deluged with eggs! Tons of them! More than we had ever had before, surely there would be babies soon! But then we began to suspect that perhaps Cleo wasn't the only bird in that cage laying eggs. Well, actually the kids suspected, I was still sure that Elvis was a male since he had lived with my mom for 4 years without laying a single egg. Surely he wasn't laying now. Surprise! One day we found Elvis with an egg stuck to him, err her. Sometimes when birds lay too many eggs they lose calcium and can become egg bound. Luckily for us we had gone through this with Cleo before and luckily in both cases the eggs became attached outside the bird. If they become bound inside, the bird usually dies from it. The only thing I could figure was that Elvis moved in with Cleo, saw her lay an egg and said, "Oh is that all there is to it? I can do that!" And then she did. lol I tried to change Elvis' name to Priscilla but Elvis just stuck and so Elvis she remains. Cleo passed last year after 9 years with us.
We have yet to name our flock of 4 Rhode Island Red hens and 1 Rhode Island Red rooster who have to be kept secluded because their beaks have been cropped so they have to be kept in their own area away from the other chickens. I expect that we will always have to keep them separated for their own safety. It seems that now we will have to have at least 3 different coop areas for the 3 roosters. Although we also hope to get some arachonas so that means perhaps 4 different coop areas. I guess we'll see how well Charlie and Topol get along as Charlie grows.
The goats, who remain unamed also, continue to neglect the weeds in the backyard in favor of the various fruit trees which they are destroying! I am about to fire them! We had been watering the back area to make the weeds more desirable to them but the only part of the weeds they would actually eat was the dead part. And they only eat the weeds if we pull them out of the ground and feed it to them!! I don't need finicky goats! At that point they're just a disposal system. When the weeds got almost waist high I made them stop watering! My hope was that the rabbits would take care of the weeds but I have been unable to build a run for them so for now they live in the front area with the chicken and two roosters and are pampered. This whole farm thing is just not starting out the way I thought. lol
One frustration of this long recovery has been that I have been unable to build my chicken coop that I have been dreaming of, and that my garden never got planted. So many plans, so little achieved.
Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I will be up to writing more frequently, but the recovery continues to be a roller coaster ride so time will tell.
Be blessed!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Moving Day
So, in the time I've been missing we have found a new home to rent, moved out of our old home and into the new one and started a whole new facet of life! Something we've always wanted to do, we've gotten a little farm started right in the midst of the big city. Okay, so not really the big city, but the city. For the past couple of years we've all been crammed into a very small 3 bedroom townhouse which was a true blessing to us, but which was way too small for us. We were used to having a large home on a large lot and we missed that more and more each day. But God's timing is not our timing, so while we were thankful for the townhouse, we longed for the time when God would move us on to something bigger with a little privacy and our own little spot of ground. And preferably with no stairs! :-)
This year when our lease was up the opportunity suddenly popped up for us to move up the road to a wonderful 4 bedroom ranch style house that sits on 1/2 an acre! We've wanted to live the country lifestyle for many years, when we were in our old house we had chickens, a rooster, ducks, rabbits, turtles, and various "normal" pets, dogs, cats, rats, hamsters, assorted birds. When we moved to the townhouse we were basically pet free except for our cockatiel. Now we are beginning to gather a menagerie again! We now have four chickens, a rooster and two goats to begin our little farm.
So, life continues to change each day and as we journey we marvel at how God weaves things together to form this tapestry we call life. Our days are full of settling in and getting things in order. The back 40, or livestock area, has been neglected for the past couple of years so there is a lot to do. We're hoping the goats will take care of a lot of that but since they can easily reach the grape vines in the back they are much more interested in munching on those than the 1/4 acre of weeds waiting for them. I guess I can't blame them, as I told my husband, if you had to choose between grapevines and dried out dead weeds, which would you eat?!
There is a pond in the mid yard area that we are working on cleaning out and getting up in working order. I look forward to that as I have longed for a pond for over a decade! I have many vegetables started and awaiting transplanting once we get an area fenced off in the back area so the goats don't neglect their weed eating duties to feast upon the delicacies of all those vegetable plants!
I love how God works things. In my impatience I often forget to just wait upon Him and His timing, but when He works it out His way it is always so sweet!
Well, there are chores waiting for me and a nice warm bed calling my name so I close for now to enjoy life on the farm. :-)
Have a blessed day!
This year when our lease was up the opportunity suddenly popped up for us to move up the road to a wonderful 4 bedroom ranch style house that sits on 1/2 an acre! We've wanted to live the country lifestyle for many years, when we were in our old house we had chickens, a rooster, ducks, rabbits, turtles, and various "normal" pets, dogs, cats, rats, hamsters, assorted birds. When we moved to the townhouse we were basically pet free except for our cockatiel. Now we are beginning to gather a menagerie again! We now have four chickens, a rooster and two goats to begin our little farm.
So, life continues to change each day and as we journey we marvel at how God weaves things together to form this tapestry we call life. Our days are full of settling in and getting things in order. The back 40, or livestock area, has been neglected for the past couple of years so there is a lot to do. We're hoping the goats will take care of a lot of that but since they can easily reach the grape vines in the back they are much more interested in munching on those than the 1/4 acre of weeds waiting for them. I guess I can't blame them, as I told my husband, if you had to choose between grapevines and dried out dead weeds, which would you eat?!
There is a pond in the mid yard area that we are working on cleaning out and getting up in working order. I look forward to that as I have longed for a pond for over a decade! I have many vegetables started and awaiting transplanting once we get an area fenced off in the back area so the goats don't neglect their weed eating duties to feast upon the delicacies of all those vegetable plants!
I love how God works things. In my impatience I often forget to just wait upon Him and His timing, but when He works it out His way it is always so sweet!
Well, there are chores waiting for me and a nice warm bed calling my name so I close for now to enjoy life on the farm. :-)
Have a blessed day!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Missing In Action
I've been missing in action since I started Physical Therapy for my back about a month ago and haven't been online since. But I'm trying to get back to some normal life things and there has been so much going on that I have wanted to write about, but I will take it slow. :-) Mostly there are lots of things I'd like to rant about, but I'll try hard not to ramble and rant! At least not too much anyway. lol Hopefully I will get at least some writing done in the midst of trying to catch up on badly neglected housework while I have been down. I'm not sure since I haven't been cooking how there are so many dirty dishes piled up. Ahh, the mysteries of life! Since we haven't really been going anywhere why is there so much laundry? And this is with the kids help. Things that make you go, "hmmmm?". So, there are piles of dishes to do, loads of laundry, vacuuming & dusting to catch up on, backed up emails and quite a lack of groceries but the good news is that I am all caught up on everything reality television has to offer! It's about all I've been able to do in between workouts.
One beautiful thing that has been going on is that we have had such beautiful rainy weather lately and each day on the way home from my therapy when I am exhausted and hurting, there has been a rainbow waiting to greet me on my drive. And each day it has been a completely different rainbow. One day was a very sharp, bright rainbow. Another day we could see the entire rainbow, the whole arch and both sides. And the last was a double rainbow! We tried to get pictures but I'm not sure any of them came out, I haven't had a chance to download any of them yet.
Well, there are other things I'd like to write but as mentioned above, there are mountains of chores awaiting me. And I would like to get some sleep sometime. :-) So, goodnight for now and I'll get back to rant again soon.
Be Blessed!
One beautiful thing that has been going on is that we have had such beautiful rainy weather lately and each day on the way home from my therapy when I am exhausted and hurting, there has been a rainbow waiting to greet me on my drive. And each day it has been a completely different rainbow. One day was a very sharp, bright rainbow. Another day we could see the entire rainbow, the whole arch and both sides. And the last was a double rainbow! We tried to get pictures but I'm not sure any of them came out, I haven't had a chance to download any of them yet.
Well, there are other things I'd like to write but as mentioned above, there are mountains of chores awaiting me. And I would like to get some sleep sometime. :-) So, goodnight for now and I'll get back to rant again soon.
Be Blessed!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sweet Sixteen
This has been a big week around here. Our youngest just turned 16. What a huge milestone for her! And for us. I'm not quite sure how it is that our baby is a very lovely young lady of sixteen.
I'm not sure how we are almost at the finish line of this journey called parenting when it seems that we only began yesterday. Of course we never stop being parents, but we do stop parenting. At least if we do it right. As the parents of two adults and two almost adults, we have had to redefine our roles as parents. It was quite an adjustment at first. I remember thinking with our first child, how do I stop parenting? Thankfully I have two amazing young adult children who helped me figure it out and let me know when I was stepping over the new line in our relationship. It's a strange thing that this relationship with our children is in almost constant flux.
I can still remember the feelings of holding our first daughter in my arms, the awe and wonder of realizing that I was a mother and that this beautiful bright eyed baby was my daughter! My DAUGHTER! I could hardly believe it the first time those words came out of my mouth. I remember the joy that jumped inside me when I said it the first time. It struck me as soon as she was born that she was a real person, not just a baby like other children, but an honest to goodness person with a personality all her own as soon as she emerged into this world!
I remember like it was the other day worrying, how in the world I could possibly love a second child as much as I loved our first, and yet the instant they put him in my arms I was flooded with love for him! This adorable, insatiable baby had captured another part of my heart that I didn't even know was there. How was it possible that there could be an equal amount of love for them both? How could one person possibly contain so much love? And yet, there it was, a complete love that neither took away from the love of my first born nor was it lessened by the immensity of my love for his older sister.
And yet, even after experiencing it, I found myself once again wondering with our third child, how will I possibly love another child as much as I do the first two? I experienced the miracle of that expanding love again when they placed that wonderful, exuberant boy in my arms. But somehow, again with our fourth, our baby, there I was wondering, can I possibly have enough love to love another child as much as the first three? And then there she was, a beautiful, joyful baby girl who proved that there is no limit to the expansion of love in a mother's heart. Each time I was awed by the miracle that is a parent's love.
Interestingly each of our children is so very unique and yet they all share some wonderful traits. They are all strong willed, I think they each came out of the womb with a very strong set of opinions! lol They are all curious, funny, compassionate, intelligent, generous people. I can't believe how unbelievably lucky I am to have been the one God chose to be their mother! What could I have possibly done to deserve such an honor? None of our children are perfect, thankfully because their mother certainly isn't! But they are amazing people and I not only love them, I truly enjoy them. I enjoy being their friend and nurturing that relationship as they grow. Which brings me back to the state of almost constant flux I mentioned before.
Whew! There is nothing more exasperating than trying to learn to parent a child at all the different stages of life! Any mom knows this. Just as you're getting used to answering the constant demands of an infant they turn around and become self sufficient toddlers who want to do everything on their own! No matter that everything they do comes with a huge mess, they want to do it themselves! And it doesn't get any easier as they grow. It seems that just as soon as you figure out one stage it comes to an end and a new one begins! lol And then suddenly, it seems in the blink of an eye, they are adults and now you have to learn how to let go of all you've spent the last couple of decades learning to do. But the joys so far outweigh the frustrations! Yes, they do. In the end it balances out, trust me. lol!
However, I have to say that I am facing this time with a startling melancholy. I get misty each time I see our "baby" come down stairs with her hair neatly groomed and the poise and style of an elegant young lady. Literally just a few weeks ago she just wanted to be a tomboy and couldn't care less about the rat's nest that was festering in the back of her hair! She didn't even have time to wash her face let alone put a touch of makeup on it as she does each day now. And though as I did with each of her siblings before her, I am bursting with pride at watching her blossom, I find myself fighting tears a lot too. I'm struggling to embrace this new phase of life.
Im addition to our youngest turning 16, our third child turned 17 and is a senior in high school. I'm not ready for it to be over. I don't really want this to be our last year homeschooling our youngest son. I know God will give me what I need to get through this, but just for today I am sad that I can almost see the finish line in the distance. I want the journey to last a little longer.
Recently we were discussing the fact that our homeschooling time was coming to an end and he said to me, "Well Mom, you could always adopt more kids and homeschool them." And as I said to him, it's not that I just want to keep homeschooling, it's that I want to keep homeschooling you guys! It's not that I just want to keep being a mom to children, it's that I want to keep my children a little longer.
Wow, this certainly didn't turn out to be the post it started out to be. Time, it's an interesting thing. I know God knows what He is doing, but no matter how many times I do it, I find that I just don't understand how it is that you spend every single day of your life with someone being such a huge part of your life and you being such an important part of their's and then, quite suddenly it seems, you're supposed to let go as they go off and make a new life that simply doesn't revolve around you anymore. I am sure that when this part of the journey ends God will supply me with the strength I need to move on to the next stage of life, but at this moment I wish I could just stop time for a little while and hold my babies close.
Be Blessed!
I'm not sure how we are almost at the finish line of this journey called parenting when it seems that we only began yesterday. Of course we never stop being parents, but we do stop parenting. At least if we do it right. As the parents of two adults and two almost adults, we have had to redefine our roles as parents. It was quite an adjustment at first. I remember thinking with our first child, how do I stop parenting? Thankfully I have two amazing young adult children who helped me figure it out and let me know when I was stepping over the new line in our relationship. It's a strange thing that this relationship with our children is in almost constant flux.
I can still remember the feelings of holding our first daughter in my arms, the awe and wonder of realizing that I was a mother and that this beautiful bright eyed baby was my daughter! My DAUGHTER! I could hardly believe it the first time those words came out of my mouth. I remember the joy that jumped inside me when I said it the first time. It struck me as soon as she was born that she was a real person, not just a baby like other children, but an honest to goodness person with a personality all her own as soon as she emerged into this world!
I remember like it was the other day worrying, how in the world I could possibly love a second child as much as I loved our first, and yet the instant they put him in my arms I was flooded with love for him! This adorable, insatiable baby had captured another part of my heart that I didn't even know was there. How was it possible that there could be an equal amount of love for them both? How could one person possibly contain so much love? And yet, there it was, a complete love that neither took away from the love of my first born nor was it lessened by the immensity of my love for his older sister.
And yet, even after experiencing it, I found myself once again wondering with our third child, how will I possibly love another child as much as I do the first two? I experienced the miracle of that expanding love again when they placed that wonderful, exuberant boy in my arms. But somehow, again with our fourth, our baby, there I was wondering, can I possibly have enough love to love another child as much as the first three? And then there she was, a beautiful, joyful baby girl who proved that there is no limit to the expansion of love in a mother's heart. Each time I was awed by the miracle that is a parent's love.
Interestingly each of our children is so very unique and yet they all share some wonderful traits. They are all strong willed, I think they each came out of the womb with a very strong set of opinions! lol They are all curious, funny, compassionate, intelligent, generous people. I can't believe how unbelievably lucky I am to have been the one God chose to be their mother! What could I have possibly done to deserve such an honor? None of our children are perfect, thankfully because their mother certainly isn't! But they are amazing people and I not only love them, I truly enjoy them. I enjoy being their friend and nurturing that relationship as they grow. Which brings me back to the state of almost constant flux I mentioned before.
Whew! There is nothing more exasperating than trying to learn to parent a child at all the different stages of life! Any mom knows this. Just as you're getting used to answering the constant demands of an infant they turn around and become self sufficient toddlers who want to do everything on their own! No matter that everything they do comes with a huge mess, they want to do it themselves! And it doesn't get any easier as they grow. It seems that just as soon as you figure out one stage it comes to an end and a new one begins! lol And then suddenly, it seems in the blink of an eye, they are adults and now you have to learn how to let go of all you've spent the last couple of decades learning to do. But the joys so far outweigh the frustrations! Yes, they do. In the end it balances out, trust me. lol!
However, I have to say that I am facing this time with a startling melancholy. I get misty each time I see our "baby" come down stairs with her hair neatly groomed and the poise and style of an elegant young lady. Literally just a few weeks ago she just wanted to be a tomboy and couldn't care less about the rat's nest that was festering in the back of her hair! She didn't even have time to wash her face let alone put a touch of makeup on it as she does each day now. And though as I did with each of her siblings before her, I am bursting with pride at watching her blossom, I find myself fighting tears a lot too. I'm struggling to embrace this new phase of life.
Im addition to our youngest turning 16, our third child turned 17 and is a senior in high school. I'm not ready for it to be over. I don't really want this to be our last year homeschooling our youngest son. I know God will give me what I need to get through this, but just for today I am sad that I can almost see the finish line in the distance. I want the journey to last a little longer.
Recently we were discussing the fact that our homeschooling time was coming to an end and he said to me, "Well Mom, you could always adopt more kids and homeschool them." And as I said to him, it's not that I just want to keep homeschooling, it's that I want to keep homeschooling you guys! It's not that I just want to keep being a mom to children, it's that I want to keep my children a little longer.
Wow, this certainly didn't turn out to be the post it started out to be. Time, it's an interesting thing. I know God knows what He is doing, but no matter how many times I do it, I find that I just don't understand how it is that you spend every single day of your life with someone being such a huge part of your life and you being such an important part of their's and then, quite suddenly it seems, you're supposed to let go as they go off and make a new life that simply doesn't revolve around you anymore. I am sure that when this part of the journey ends God will supply me with the strength I need to move on to the next stage of life, but at this moment I wish I could just stop time for a little while and hold my babies close.
Be Blessed!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Kaleidoscope
Funny how little choices can make one reflect on who they are.
I have been looking around trying to find a background for my blog, one that reflects me. One that lets you know, as soon as you arrive here, who I am.
And you know what I've found, a lot of backgrounds that I really like, and yet none that really stand out. Do I want bright pink? Red? Purple? Do I want tea cups and roses or polka dots and ribbon? Butterflies and hearts or Nascar?
I am blessed to be very eclectic. Almost an oxymoron. I am country and victorian, roses and sunflowers, teacups and rock star, all rolled into one. How can that be? I went through a journey in my life being unhappy at this lack of constant. Feeling like somehow I was flawed because everyone else had their style decided and I just couldn't seem to settle on one. It seems\ed to me that all around me people knew who they were, what they liked, they had one style and they embraced it and it defined them. But then I realized, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, like me, they just had to choose one thing and so they did and left it at that. Maybe we are all a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll all combined into one package. At least I know I am. And you know what? Finally I learned to love myself just like that. Finally I learned to embrace all the eccentricities that make me, well me.
I realized that it's okay for me to love red and still enjoy hot pink and purple too! It's okay for me to love country, rock, gospel, oldies. It's okay for me to acknowledge that I am complex and simple all at the same time. It's not just okay, it's really grand that I can be just as happy at a tea party as I can be at a Nascar race! It's wonderful that I love singing in the choir just as much as I love belting out some karaoke! So, for today I have chosen a background that I really like, hot pink and black with swirls and flurries, but tomorrow you might just find tea cups and roses, or you may just find a Nascar background, if I can find one. ;-) And you will find as you get to know me, that rather than my background defining me, you will learn that there is not one single thing that can define who I am or what my style is, I am like a kaleidoscope! Always changing, made up of many facets and colors and sometimes it depends on the angle that you're looking from. And that's not just okay, it's amazingly wonderful!!
Finally, I started to learn to love just who God created me to be. And I think that was one of the first steps to being, who I want to be.
Be blessed!
I have been looking around trying to find a background for my blog, one that reflects me. One that lets you know, as soon as you arrive here, who I am.
And you know what I've found, a lot of backgrounds that I really like, and yet none that really stand out. Do I want bright pink? Red? Purple? Do I want tea cups and roses or polka dots and ribbon? Butterflies and hearts or Nascar?
I am blessed to be very eclectic. Almost an oxymoron. I am country and victorian, roses and sunflowers, teacups and rock star, all rolled into one. How can that be? I went through a journey in my life being unhappy at this lack of constant. Feeling like somehow I was flawed because everyone else had their style decided and I just couldn't seem to settle on one. It seems\ed to me that all around me people knew who they were, what they liked, they had one style and they embraced it and it defined them. But then I realized, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, like me, they just had to choose one thing and so they did and left it at that. Maybe we are all a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll all combined into one package. At least I know I am. And you know what? Finally I learned to love myself just like that. Finally I learned to embrace all the eccentricities that make me, well me.
Finally, I started to learn to love just who God created me to be. And I think that was one of the first steps to being, who I want to be.
Be blessed!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy New Year
Well, I have been contemplating this for quite awhile now. Fearful that I wouldn't keep it current, or that I wouldn't have anything of interest to say I kept putting it off and putting it off. But then I made my New Year's Resolution, to set up an account and begin this blog. Of course my other New Year's Resolution was quickly broken when I promised myself I would begin the blog on January 1st and didn't get it accomplished until after midnight which makes it technically January 2nd. In case you hadn't guessed it, my other resolution was to stop procrastinating. sigh. Does it count as procrastinating if I got it started before I went to bed on January 1st? I mean, although technically it will read that I began my blog on Jan. 2, 2009, it is still part of my January 1. Oh well, semantics really. I will allow myself the grace of counting it as accomplished. Yay me.
Actually my only true resolution is to make the most of this new year. There is a song that asks, "Are you who you want to be?" and most often my truthful answer is no, I am not yet who I want to be. This year I want to become who I want to be. It will truly be a work of heart as I seek to grow closer to God and become not only who I want to be, but more importantly, who He wants me to be.
So, I will close by wishing you all a Happy New Year and may 2009 be the year you are "who you want to be."
Blessings!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)