The Importance of Saying No

In dealing with some life issues a lot of talk has been had recently between my friends and myself about people feeling taken advantage of. People getting upset when asked for a favor. Here's the real problem many of us have. The inability to say no.

When we try to people please, and let's face it, most of us women do, we end up feeling resentful of the people we are trying to please. But the fact is, it isn't their fault. It's actually our fault for not saying no.

If someone asks something of me I have to evaluate whether or not I can accomodate that request and then make a decision to say yes or no. But many times we just say yes automatically without counting the cost of that yes. Do we have the time, energy or resources to give what we've said we will? If we say yes, and then find that it's a burden to us, we often get upset with the person who asked us. However, the problem doesn't lie with them. The problem isn't the question, it's the answer. How can we be angry at them for simply asking for something they needed? That's why we end up feeling guilty, because we are now angry at them, but deep down we know we shouldn't be. So, now we're feeling angry and guilty. 

And then comes the second problem, we don't just fess up and tell the person that we are sorry but we can't do what we promised. We want to deliver, we want to be a person of our word, so we sacrifice what we shouldn't to accomodate a promise that should never have been made in the first place. Again, leading us to resent the person who made the request.

But let's look at that person. What did they do wrong? They asked if you could do something for them. A simple request. You had the option of saying, "I'm sorry, I can't do that." And guess what? You don't even have to give a reason! You can if you'd like, but it's not required. What is important is that you learn to count the cost of your yes!

Proverb 31:16 says, 

I have often thought of that verse when choosing what I will and won't do with my time and energy. I must first consider the venture before I decide to take part in it. But all too often I just jump in and say yes to every field that comes along. Whatever we spend our time doing, is us sowing. We are sowing our time, talents, and treasure into whatever we are doing. And we will reap our harvest from what we are sowing. So, when we spend our valuable time, energy, and resources we must consder the cost of our activities. We must consider the cost of our commitments. Otherwise, the harvest we will reap may be resentment, frustration, and chaos.

We women often have trouble saying no because we don't want to hurt our friendships. But in saying yes when we shouldn't, we end up doing the very thing we are trying not to do, hurting our friendship. We are afraid our friends will get upset with us if we say no, but we end up upset with them because we said yes when we really needed to say no.


And then we come across another problem with saying yes when we should say no. We then often complain and grumble about it. I know I do. Yet Philippians 2:14-15 has this to say about grumbling while we are doing something...

When we are grumbling and complaining we are not glorifying or pleasing God. In fact we are doing exactly what He has told us not to do. And we are tarnishing His reputation in the process. I have to confess, this is an area I struggle in. I have had victory before, but it is so easy to slip right back into the habit. 


So, let us be a people who let our yes be yes, and our no be no, so that we glorify our Father in heaven and shine as a light in this dark world. And in so doing, we protect the friendships we value. 

Be Blessed, 
Colleen