Because I Said So, The Answer Parents Should Go Back To

Weary Traveler

Sixteen days ago we set out for a two week road trip to see two of our nephews graduate and to see other friends and family as well. Mu husband thought this was too big of a trip for me, being only a few weeks after a very major surgery. But I was sure it would be fine. Yes, the riding in the car would be a little difficult, but other than that I would only be hanging out at family and friend's homes, what could be so hard about that? 

Well, as it turns out, a lot! I am completely exhausted! Both physically and emotionally. No matter how much rest I get I am just physically worn out, and I lost count of the number of emotional breakdowns I have had in the past couple of weeks. I am missing the comfort of home, and of routine, in my recuperation. The littlest things that I took for granted have become so difficult while on the road. Showers are the biggest. It is such a struggle to gather all my stuff together and have to take care of myself in strange bathrooms. I had three breakdowns just trying to take today's shower. Just resting is hard because I feel so guilty closing myself up in our bedroom away from our hosts and family that even when I do try to rest, I don't find any. And now I sit here awake at 5:22 am, after less than two hours of sleep. I just can't seem to get back to sleep after having been awakened by some kind of alarm going off for about 40 minutes a couple of hours ago. 

In just a few hours we leave for our 20+ hour drive home and I am not up to it. But there is no choice. My husband has to be back to work on Tuesday. It is times like this that I have to remember to go to the Lord and find my rest. 

While I look forward to getting home and continuing my recovery in the comfort of home, I know that saying goodbye will be so difficult. I hate goodbyes. Always have. In a few hours we will say goodbye again to my Great Uncle Danny and Great Aunt Barbara, not sure when or if we will get back to visit again, which makes it even harder. But again, I will remind myself to turn to the comfort of the Lord to see me through. 

God bless you today as you travel through life, and I pray you will look to Him for rest from whatever burdens you are carrying. 

Blessings,

Colleen

Step Up and March! Choosing Courage Over Fear

I am so thankful that God gives us what we need. But do we really take that gift when He gives it to us? Do we open it up, study it, use it and let it make a change in us? Or do we let it sit on a shelf collecting dust like a knick knack? 

When I went through a confirmation class 22 years ago, this was the verse our pastor gave me. Of course it registered with me then, but I let it sit on a shelf for many years, collecting dust. At times over the course of my life I have taken it and dusted it off and played with it a little, but I have never really opened it up and made it mine. I have never made it part of my daily life.

But God is calling me to finally, finally, dust this verse off, take it off the shelf and accept the gift He has given me. He is calling me to finally step out and live the life He has called me to. No more time to sit on the sidelines and watch the parade of life go by thinking, someday I will march in that parade. No. No more. Now is the time that God has said, enough, step it up and start marching.

He reminded me this morning that, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Fear is a natural response. Courage is just not allowing fear to control us." I have struggled with fear most of my life and sadly, I have allowed it to control me most of my life. But through God's strength I keep taking a stand against it and will continue to fight not to let it control me until either it dies or I do. I am thankful that God promises that He will be with me through the battle against fear. "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid for I, the Lord, am with you." That is said so many times throughout scripture and in so many different ways.

This is not the first time in my life I've had to stand back up in the battle against fear, it's just the latest go round. Having my surgery was a huge step in the fight for me. If you are struggling with fear in your life, I really want to encourage you too, to take a stand, with God's help, for we can't do it alone!

If you need prayer in this area let me know

Blessings,

Colleen

The Habit of Prayer

Many times I find myself talking about problems. Talking about them, crying about them, complaining about them. But many times I realize I have forgotten to pray about them. I know that seems like a duh moment, but really I have observed that this is the way many of us live our lives. 

When we are upset about something the first thing we want to do is call someone, post a FB status about it, talk about it, etc... But if we would just pray about it, then we put it in the hands of the One who can truly DO something about it! 

Today I just want to encourage you to take your problems, your burdens, your worries, your cares and lift them to the One who can do something about them. But then, remember to leave them there! lol Allow God to direct you in what action to take about the situation, or whether you are to take any action at all. 

Life is too short to waste time. I can't count how many hours I have spent worrying about things, complaining about things, carrying them around with me day after day. 

All that time I spend complaining or worrying I could have spent praying, praising, loving others, enjoying life. 

Why do we choose to complain and worry when we could choose love, peace, joy? Habit. Simply put, habit. We have either made a habit out of complaining and worrying, or we have made a habit out of prayer and peace. I know you're thinking it's more complicated than that. But it's really not. It's really that simple. 

If your habit is to worry and complain, I would like to encourage you to begin today to make a new habit. When something happens that upsets you and you begin to worry, or complain, when you reach for the phone or your keyboard, stop and reach for God instead. 

It will take time, you didn't develop this habit overnight and you won't change it overnight. Don't get discouraged. Just keep doing it, and doing it, and doing it, until your first response is to give it to God rather than to worry and complain. 

I know, worry and complaining used to be my habits, but then I created new ones and my life was filled with peace and joy. Over the past few years I've allowed myself to slip back into those old habits again and now I fight fear and discontent again. But I am working on it again. 

Really though, it's about more than just whether you choose peace over worry, or joy over complaining. Really it's about will you choose God's way or yours? 

You see, worry and complaining as habits are not an option for me. I am a believer, a follower of Jesus Christ. I am a Christian and that means I have committed to living my life God's way. It's really that simple, it's not complicated as I have a tendency to make it. God's word tells me to cast my cars upon Him. God's word commands me not to worry, not to complain. I will either make a habit of following His commands, or I won't. 

When you look at it in that light, it's really simple. There is no argument that justifies my continuing to complain and worry and be unhappy or upset. I am commanded to pray about it and live in thankfulness, joy and peace. 

So, I am working on rebuilding those habits that make up a life of obedience and I know I will enjoy the fruits of that choice, for they are sweet! 

If you struggle with the habit of complaining and worry, of unhappiness or discontent, I hope you'll join me in choosing to make new habits, and if you'd like me to pray for you, please let me know. 

Be Blessed,
Colleen Cato

What do I mean when I say, "I'm trusting God"?

So, a few days ago I had surgery. It was, in some ways, an elective surgery, but it was one of necessity for health issues. It was something I had put off for over 20 years for many reasons. But as usual in my life, all the reasons were fear. 

Fear is something I live with every single day of my life. Fear has dictated a lot of decisions in my life. When I was little my grandmother used to say to me, "I don't know why you are afraid. When it's your time it's your time and there's nothing you can do to change that, so why worry about it?" Still, fear continued to haunt me. 

So, I had put this surgery off for all these years because of fear. Fear of not surviving the surgery. Fear of the outcome. Fear of the pain of recovery. Fear I would not like the results.

Finally my family asked me to face my fears and look into the surgery for health reasons. Of course I would do it for them. I decided that I needed to put my trust in God, which is where it should be anyway, and go forward with the surgery. 

I boldly proclaimed that I was trusting Him with all the details! I prayed and told God I would trust Him with the results. And so on Tuesday, April 16, 2013 I finally faced my fears, put myself in God's hands and had the surgery. 

When I first woke up I was a little concerned about the results, things didn't look the way I wanted them to, but I reminded myself that I had said I would trust God and so I would. 

The recovery has been much easier than I had feared. The pain is very manageable with the meds they gave me. I am not nearly as helpless as I feared I would be. 

However, two days after my surgery when I finally saw the results I was devastated! My worst fears in this area had been realized and I was very, very unhappy with the physical results. I spent the rest of Thursday in a state of sadness and depression. How could God have done this to me? I had trusted Him! I had put myself in His hands and asked Him to take care of every detail. I had told Him I would trust Him with the outcome. How could He have allowed a bad outcome?! 

That is when my struggle with the above question began to form. What did I mean when I said I was trusting God for the outcome? Did I really only mean that I was trusting Him to give me the outcome I was looking for? Sadly my answer was, Yes, that is what had I meant.

There were many unknowns with this surgery. There were no guarantees of the outcome, or of whether I would be happy with it. And once it was done, there was no turning back. Whatever the outcome, I would have to live with it. And so, for the days before surgery, I prayed and gave it to God. I told Him I would just trust Him to give me the right outcome. And I meant it, or at least I thought I did. But in reality, what I meant was that I was trusting Him to give me the outcome I wanted.  

In every way my surgery is considered a success. First of all is the obvious, I survived the surgery! This was not really a risky surgery, but there are always risks with any surgery and that is always the biggest fear for me. The surgeon is happy with the outcome. The reasons I needed to have the surgery have been taken care of and the medical part of it is a success. The only thing so far is the physical outcome. I really won't know the physical outcome for awhile, but so far it is NOT what I wanted. In fact, it is everything I didn't want. 

So now the question is, what will I do with my disappointment? With my devastation? I keep reminding myself that I am trusting God with it, but really I'm walking around unhappy and miserable, regretting my choice. So, that means I am not trusting God with it at all! I keep trying to figure out why God allowed this result. Possibly because He knows that in the end other things will change and I will be happy with the outcome. But that is really only me trying to make the results fit into my version of what I wanted. 

In the end I have to do what I said I would do. Trust Him with the outcome, even though it isn't what I wanted! And to do that means I can't regret my choice, I can't walk around unhappy and sullen. I can't sit around hoping that once everything is healed it will be better, before I choose to be happy. I need to make the decision to be happy with the results, whether I like them or not, because that is what I signed up for when I told God I would trust Him with the results!! 

As I walk through this journey of discovery about trust, I realize that it's not my first time around this mountain. In many other areas of my life, at many other times in my life, I have had this same struggle. I have told God I was trusting Him but then I was disappointed when I didn't get the results I wanted. Sometimes that disappointment has led to frustration, even anger, sometimes to unhappiness, sometimes to downright depression. As God has shown me now, each of those times I had not put my trust in God to accept HIS outcome, I had put my trust in God to make the outcome be what I wanted it to be, and that is not trusting God at all. That is trusting that MY outcome is the best and God is the magic genie that will ensure my outcome happens.That leads to superstition, which is the subject of another post that God has been working on with me. 

But this one is about trusting God, really trusting God. Trusting that He is true to His word. His word says He will always work things out for my good, that even when things don't look good, they are good. The real point of trusting is that when things don't look the way we want, we trust they look the way God wants. And we trust that is good. Even though it doesn't look like it. 

What's funny to me is that this is exactly the opposite of what church has taught me faith is. For years as I've struggled with this walk of faith and trust, I have known that really trusting God is knowing that He will do what is best but it might not look the way I want it to. When I talk about that people tell me that I am lacking faith. They have told me that faith means believing God will give me what I want! But God keeps teaching me the exact opposite! 

As Christians we often quote this scripture. We say we believe it. We boldly proclaim it! But what do we really mean when we say it? I always think I mean exactly what I say. When I say I trust God to work it all out for the best, I honestly think that is what I mean. But what I really mean is I trust God to work things out the way I think is best! And that is not what His word promises.

Faith is knowing God will do what is best for me. But what I think is best and what God knows is best, are not always compatible viewpoints. This is because God knows the end from the beginning, He knows me inside and out. There are many reasons why God's best does not always look the way we think it should, but trusting Him means trusting that He knows all those reasons and has chosen the best outcome. 

So, today I must choose to be happy with the results. Not because they are what I wanted, but because they are what God wanted. And in the end, that is what this walk of faith is really about. Trusting that what God wants is more important than I what I want and that His way really is better than mine. 

Be Blessed, 

Colleen

The Blessings of Sons

Our two sons with our oldest grandson in the center. 


There are many blessings of having sons. Too many to count actually. But today I am thinking of the particular blessing of perspective. My heart's desire is to be a Proverbs 31 wife. However, sometimes I don't even see how I'm falling short. But my sons, who see things from a man's perspective, do. And I'm thankful that they point it out to me. 

There are many times when we women speak and think nothing of it, but to a man, those words cut like a knife. There are many ways we don't even realize that we are demeaning them. There have been times I think I'm saying something about myself, but what the men in my family hear is me putting down my husband. For instance:

One of our family's most famous stories is the story of the car air conditioner. I get very sick in the heat, so when I am driving I like the a/c to blast out of the dashboard onto me. My husband doesn't like that. He has sinus issues and the air blasting on him like that bothers his sinuses. Also, my husband is usually driving the car early in the morning when the windows are all fogged up from the morning cold. So, when he drives he almost always sets the vents to the defrost setting so the air blows up onto the windshield. When I get in the car and turn on the a/c it takes me sometimes as much as an hour to figure out why the air isn't blowing on me. I get frustrated and upset thinking that the air conditioner must be broken. It almost always takes me at least a half an hour to figure out the problem and by then I am not feeling well. I have to admit in the early years it has taken me as long as two or three hours of driving to realize that it is just the vent setting. I don't understand why, when I know that he always sets the vent to that position, that it takes me so long to figure this out. EVERYTIME! We've been married for 25 years, how is it that my first thought is not, "Oh I need to change the vent settings."? What in my brain has not clicked after all this time? I KNOW how he likes the vents set. I have shared a car with this man for most of 25 years, how is it that I STILL think the a/c is broken? However, when I share this story, my husband and my sons hear me saying that there is something wrong with my husband for setting the vents on the dash settings. That was never my intention in telling this humorous story. It was really my astonishment at myself and how I can go through this time after time after time! Whenever I told the story, my women friends never thought I was being disrespectful to my husband, they all understood that I was laughing at myself for not catching on after all this time. But men heard me blaming my husband. 

Was it the story itself? Partly, but for the most part it was the way I was telling the story. The way I tell it today makes it clear I am talking about myself, but in the beginning something about the way I worded it made it sound to men as if I was saying my husband was at fault for changing the settings. When my sons first pointed it out to me I was offended. But God showed me that it didn't matter what I was trying to say, if the way it came out was offensive to my husband, I was being offensive to my husband. 

Last night we were all working in the trailer to get ready to head out on a camping trip. I already had a couple of rolls of paper towels opened and two kitchen towels sitting around the kitchen area. My husband had washed his hands and not seeing any of the open paper towel rolls said, "I guess I'll just open up a new roll." I grabbed the roll from him and said, "No, there are plenty of open rolls and regular towels you don't need to open up a new roll." I didn't even realize that my words or tone were disrespectful or harsh, but our older son spoke up and said, "Ok Mom, you don't have to give him a tongue lashing over it." Wow. How differently men and women hear things. I had not meant to be disrespectful to my husband. But looking back on it, I see that I was. I didn't need to say it the way I did. Partly it was my tone, which was tired and exasperated, partly it was my words which were not honoring. I could have just softly said, let me find you a towel, or let me get you a paper towel, but I let my tired flesh get a hold of my tongue and it was dishonoring to my husband. 

Now is this one incident a huge deal? By itself no. However, if left unchecked it could quickly become a habit of how I speak to my husband. If strung together with other incidents, it would become something that tears my husband down rather than builds him up. That's not the wife I want to be. So I am thankful for my sons who are willing to lovingly point out to me how things sound to a man and offer me that different perspective. 

Lest you think my sons are being disrespectful let me assure you they are not. They work hard to live a life that is obedient to the Fifth Commandment. They also know how important it is to me to be a woman who builds up her home and family and does not tear it down, so we have carefully cultivated a relationship of accountability with one another and I am thankful for that. 

Be Blessed! 

Colleen

Linking to:

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Wholehearted Home

http://wholehearted-home.blogspot.com

Walking Redeemed
http://walkingredeemed.org/2013/03/wednesday-link-party-13/

Tis the season to prep

We have been off the road now for a month. Just a temporary settling to allow us to prep our lives for an even bigger change. As I've written before, we are full time RVers, and while I thought I would blog a lot about that, it seems the lifestyle leaves me little time for blogging. I am working on that. Right now we are blessed to be settled for a short layover to take care of much family business and have all four of our children and our future daughter in law all with us while we focus on a season of intense discipleship as a family and reprioritizing our lives and belongings to begin another new chapter that has been 16 years in the making! I know this all sounds rather vague, I am struggling to put my thoughts on "paper" as it were.

Sixteen years ago God gave us a word that we would travel and teach, speak and preach His word as a family. We thought it was a word for that time and were very confused as it didn't come to pass. But now, sixteen years later it appears His timing is coming about. We are working together to put together our ministry and church and take it on the road.

While it is exciting to see this dream coming to fruition, it is also a bit scary and overwhelming. As often happens, the dream had about died for me. I was ready to start doing other things, when out of nowhere God suddenly sprang this on me again! I was ready to start our homestead dream again. Ready to settle onto another little farm and begin another dream. Suddenly God not only decided it was time, He planted the seed into other members of our family.

Now is the time that I have to really make some decisions about what to do with all of our stuff in storage. I know many will say, "It's only stuff!" And it is, only stuff. But it's a lifetime of stuff collected while we built our lives and raised our family. It is a lifetime of stuff that belonged to my grandmother, my mom, my mother in law, etc... It is a lifetime of memories made up of things I love. My teapots, my tea cups, my furniture that my grandfather built for me, family pictures, books I've had since I was a child, books I read to my children, dishes that we ate off of for years and years of holiday celebrations. You get the idea. So, yes, it is just stuff, but it is stuff that is dear to me and that I struggle to get rid of.

So the good news is that I have managed to get rid of one storage space. The bad news is I still have a very large storage space full of things I have to make decisions about. I will be honest, I don't foresee me getting rid of it all. I just don't. But I have to make it more manageable at least.

In addition to going through getting rid of stuff, we also have to make room to add 6 people to our RV. Now when we bought it, I specifically chose it because it would sleep 10 people! I wanted it to accomodate our entire family, because I was believing God to bring our entire family to a place where we would need an RV that size. Now He has brought us to that place! And I am thrilled! But when we bought it, I saw that 10 could sleep in it, I forgot about 10 people bringing along their clothes and other stuff that goes with 10 people! lol Details, details. I know that God will work all of these things out, I know He will. I have seen Him do much more than this! But what can I say? I am a person who sweats the small stuff, but I'm working to let go of it. I am still, after all, a work in progress.

Have a blessed day!
Colleen