10 Years Ago

One of my favorite pictures of my mom and I celebrating her birthday. 

10 years ago I was enjoying a day at the fair with my family when I got a call that my mom was being taken to the hospital with some severe symptoms, I sat in a secluded space and had a little meltdown and then pulled myself together when they said she would be fine, no need to rush up to see her, they were going to put her in a room and get her situated and we should really wait until the next day to come see her. 

So, we asked them to please tell her we loved her and we would be up first thing in the morning to see her. We finished our day and went home exhausted to fall into bed. The phone rang around one in the morning with the news that my mom had passed away at 12:01 am. No! That can't be, they said she would be fine and we had plenty of time to get up there to see her. 

That was the bad news. The good news, I know where my mom is today because she put her trust in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. My mom was a pro at showing unconditional love, I knew how much she loved me, and she knew how much I loved her. There was really nothing left unsaid between us. I had told her not only how much I loved her, but also that I was in awe of her bravery as a young woman who came across the country to start life over while alone and pregnant with me. I had told her I forgave her for her mistakes and asked her to forgive herself. 

The point of this post is not just to talk about how sad I am and how much I miss my mom, it's to remind us all to not take each other for granted. My mom was only 63 years old! Of course we thought we had more time! But we didn't. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so please don't take your loved ones for granted because you never know when you will be saying goodbye to someone for the last time. Tell those you love that you love them, often! And most of all, make time for those you really care about!

Be Blessed,
Colleen

Weary Traveler

Sixteen days ago we set out for a two week road trip to see two of our nephews graduate and to see other friends and family as well. Mu husband thought this was too big of a trip for me, being only a few weeks after a very major surgery. But I was sure it would be fine. Yes, the riding in the car would be a little difficult, but other than that I would only be hanging out at family and friend's homes, what could be so hard about that? 

Well, as it turns out, a lot! I am completely exhausted! Both physically and emotionally. No matter how much rest I get I am just physically worn out, and I lost count of the number of emotional breakdowns I have had in the past couple of weeks. I am missing the comfort of home, and of routine, in my recuperation. The littlest things that I took for granted have become so difficult while on the road. Showers are the biggest. It is such a struggle to gather all my stuff together and have to take care of myself in strange bathrooms. I had three breakdowns just trying to take today's shower. Just resting is hard because I feel so guilty closing myself up in our bedroom away from our hosts and family that even when I do try to rest, I don't find any. And now I sit here awake at 5:22 am, after less than two hours of sleep. I just can't seem to get back to sleep after having been awakened by some kind of alarm going off for about 40 minutes a couple of hours ago. 

In just a few hours we leave for our 20+ hour drive home and I am not up to it. But there is no choice. My husband has to be back to work on Tuesday. It is times like this that I have to remember to go to the Lord and find my rest. 

While I look forward to getting home and continuing my recovery in the comfort of home, I know that saying goodbye will be so difficult. I hate goodbyes. Always have. In a few hours we will say goodbye again to my Great Uncle Danny and Great Aunt Barbara, not sure when or if we will get back to visit again, which makes it even harder. But again, I will remind myself to turn to the comfort of the Lord to see me through. 

God bless you today as you travel through life, and I pray you will look to Him for rest from whatever burdens you are carrying. 

Blessings,

Colleen