God At Work In The Midst Of It All

Here is a picture of Betty taken less than two months ago. It is her 88th birthday celebration and she is surrounded by family, including her daughter Mary on the far left with the glasses and Dana seated to Betty's left with the white sweater. 

What a blessing it has been to spend time with Betty and her daughters. It is always amazing to watch God work, and believe me when I tell you that He is working in the midst of this! 

As I come in for my latest visit, Mary is massaging Betty's legs with some delicious smelling lavender lotion and as we hug and kiss I remark that I am happy to see her being pampered, "just as it should be". Her retort is, "and as it SHALL continue to be!" we all laugh. 

Betty and Mary January 2012 visiting her grandson's school Taft University

As we sit and visit, laughing and sharing stories and memories, you would think we were just four girlfriends hanging out together. If not for the presence of the hospital bed where Betty reclines, you might think our discussion about what Betty wants done for her Celebration of Life service, was just four girlfriends sitting together planning a festive party. 

"There is to be dancing!" Betty declares. "What kind of dancing?" Mary inquires. I want everyone to do the Electric Slide. I take notes, Mary and Dana laugh and wonder aloud if this would be appropriate or if people will be offended. I remind them it doesn't matter what others think, it's what Betty wants and Betty says she wants "anything that causes a stir!" They wonder how many people know the Electric Slide and wonder about how we could find a teacher for the service, I share with them that Daniel, Samantha and I teach line dancing and can do it. (Another God moment) Mary asks me if I will dance with her and I say of course I will. Because I will do just about anything for my Dear Betty, including teaching The Electric Slide at her Celebration Service. Betty remembers her brother "Dutch" teaching her to dance as a young girl while she stood on his "polished wingtip shoes" in his kitchen. She insists he wasn't successful, but I doubt that is true. 

Out of nowhere Betty says, "There should be sandwiches, and pickles, don't you think?" I grab my pen and start to take notes, Dana comes back in from the kitchen and we are planning again. A menu is taking shape and it reminds me of a country picnic, so fitting for celebrating the life of this Country Gal turned City Woman. It is decided that there should be sandwiches, and pickles, and baked beans and potato salad and watermelon. Dana suggests we should have Boysenberry pie and Betty lights up at the thought! And so it goes. Little by little her celebration service is coming together, directed and planned by Betty herself. 

There should not be black! Maybe people can wear a little black but not lots of it. "I don't want to look down and see a black blob" Betty states. We discuss Betty's favorite shade of blue again and she reiterates that she wants people to be happy and a celebratory mood to prevail. 

At some point, again out of almost nowhere, Betty tells us that when this is over we three are all to go to Casa Del Rey and have a margarita, we look at each other and grin and acquiesce. Well, if she's going to insist I guess it's the least we can do right! I mean, you just don't say no to Betty. (and they do serve virgin Margaritas btw.)

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with God working. You can feel God throughout all of this in the atmosphere of her home as we visit. It is one of joy and laughter, teasing and chiding. It is one that can only be orchestrated by our Heavenly Father who promises to give us a "Peace that surpasses understanding." And that is exactly what He is doing. Mary and Dana are finding that there is a strength born of their mother's faith, and their own, that they didn't know was within them. God is working through this time to bring the family to the place where they are ready for Betty's next step on this journey. I am reminded, and share with them, that God gives us what we need, when we need it, if we will just place our trust in Him. 

Betty is concerned about being a burden to her family, but I remind her that this is what her family needs, to take care of her and make this transition with her. I remind her of what she already knows, that God is in control and giving each family member what they need to get through this journey, so just trust Him for this part too. She nods her head because she already knows this, but the mother in her is concerned for her children's well being. She is used to being the caretaker, not the patient. Although not a role she is used to assuming, I must point out that she is relishing it and enjoying every moment of it. 

Every once in awhile Mary or Dana wonder aloud to their mom, "How will we do this or that without you?" and she reassures them they will do just fine. Mary is concerned that Betty has the memory of the family and how will they remember things, Betty tells her she will work at it just as Betty has always done and it will be fine. Even now she is still the Mom and teaching her children life lessons. We talk about God and His promises and how He takes care of us. 

My husband has joined us a couple of times and Betty takes extra delight in her male audience member as she entertains us all with her witty remarks, we all listen and laugh and of course she gets in a little bit of hand holding with him, because she is Betty! 

Dana and Betty with Pete Carroll while visiting USC in May 2009

Another way I see God working through all of this is the fact that we went through all of this with my dear mother in law just over a year ago and that experience gives me the ability to hopefully offer Mary and Dana some bits of knowledge or comfort born of experience and I marvel at how God brought this friendship about to allow for this very thing. For as His word says, we shall comfort with the measure with which we have been comforted. (My paraphrase)

Sometimes Betty seems to be sound asleep as Mary, Dana and I chat, but then out of nowhere she comments on something we are talking about, reminding us that she is always listening. Of course there are the moments when her symptoms act up and bring us all back to the sharp reality of what is really happening here. But for the most part as she reclines in her bed, mostly with her eyes closed, sometimes nibbling at tiny pieces of pickle or watermelon or whatever she has requested to have a taste of, the main reminder of what is really happening is just her exhaustion. Of course the reality never leaves our minds, but God is so good to us to keep other things in the forefront where we are not consumed by it. And of course Betty's spirit keeps us all going as we soak in every moment of this precious time with her. And then when I come home, I hug my children a little bit longer and hold my husband's hand a little tighter, reminding them and myself how precious they are to me. 

Today I urge you also, to hold your loved ones a little closer and longer and breathe in their closeness while you are all still together. For as my friend Betty is teaching me, make the most of life, because it all passes too quickly. 

Blessings,

Colleen


Tonight I'm linking to
The Sunday Community