Wow has the roller coaster continued to twist and turn this year! Last year we moved to the high desert and started a little farm. I thought it was the adventure to end all adventures, but I was so wrong! I had hoped to record the journey here but life had other plans. As usual. As my friends say, my life is never boring! That is an understatement. Well, we just got internet back after many months without it. So, here we go again.
About 6 months ago I learned that I was going to have to undergo another surgery to repair some damage from my surgery last June. Before I could do anything about that we got into a pretty major car accident so the surgery is on hold while I try to recover from my injuries. I am so grateful that we were all able to walk away from the accident. Everyone suffered varying degrees of injury but we all walked away alive after hitting a semi truck head on so I consider us blessed! However, after 4 months I continue to suffer unbearable pain and extremely limited mobility. I have faith that eventually I will be healed, I have a great doctor who is dedicated to seeing me through and I trust him and his staff. But I am ready to move on now, and once again I am sitting and learning patience. The story of my life. I'm never heading in the direction I'm wanting to go in, and I'm constantly learning to trust and enjoy where I am today.
I won't go into details about all the unpleasantness of the past year, but it has been an extremely difficult year with many trials. I would love to say that I handled them all with grace and faith and was the epitome of a gentle Christian wife and mother through it all, but what's the point of lying? lol I did NOT always handle things well at all. Through it I struggled with anger, depression, fear, and did more than my fair share of murmuring and complaining. All things I thought I had put behind me long ago. But I continue the journey towards being the woman I long to be.
The newest chapter of our life is that we have moved full time into a travel RV. We still have two of our four children with us so we bought a two bedroom trailer with a bedroom for us and a bunkhouse for the kids. We can actually accomodate more of our kids if they choose to come, but for now it is just my husband, myself and our two youngest. We are excited about what God has planned for the next chapter.
And as this new chapter unfolds I continue to learn not to murmur, complain and focus on the negative. Some days are better than others, but I am learning. :-) Do you ever feel as though some days you have more of a stumble than a walk? I do! But I hope to continue to get more sure footed in my journey.
Years ago when I was struggling with murmuring issues the Lord showed me that the Israelites never got into the promised land because of their murmuring. I thought that was enough to teach me to control my mouth, and for awhile it was. But little by little I let the habit creep it's way back into my life. Recently as I have really struggled I decided to do a little study on complaining and lo and behold what I found stunned me! I found Deut. 28:47-48! Here is what I found:
"Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies, whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger, in thirst, in nakedness, and in need of all things; and He will put a yoke of iron on your neck until He has destroyed you." (emphasis mine) Wow. I think I would like to get a grip on my attitude now! lol
Here's the thing I've learned about attitude, if I don't get a grip on my attitude during the bad times, I won't have a good attitude during the good times either! It is shocking how hard it is to switch tracks once things turn around in life. I've also learned that it is definitely easier to get through the tough times with faith, joy and a good attitude, than with worry, fear and a bad attitude. Yet even though I know that, and have experienced that many times, I still struggle with it! I am such an Israelite!
So, my journey for the moment is to learn, yet again, to walk in joy and faith. And to enjoy where I am now, not continue longing for where I am going. I guess I am a destination kind of gal living a journey life. I am always focused on getting to where I am supposed to be, but what I believe God wants me to do is to learn to enjoy getting there! I hope you'll join me as I take this new chapter one day at a time.
So, for today I leave you with this thought: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Prov. 3:5-6
His ways truly are better than mine, all the time. And this stubborn girl is determined to walk in that!
Be blessed!
Colleen
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